Jurassic Park

[MacArthur Park/Jimmy Webb,Richard Harris/1968]

I recall the time they found those fossilized mosquitoes
And before long, they were cloning DNA
Now I'm being chased by some irate velociraptors
Well, believe me...this has been one lousy day

Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
Somone shut the fence off in the rain
I admit its kinda eerie
But this proves my chaos theory
And I dont think I'll be coming back again
Oh no.

I cannot approve of this attraction
'Cause getting disemboweled always makes me kinda mad
A huge tyrannosaurus ate our lawyer
Well, I suppose that proves...they're really not all bad

Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
Someone let T. Rex out of his pen
I'm afraid those things'll harm me
'Cause they sure don't act like Barney
And they think I'm their dinner, not their friend
Oh no.

Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
What a crummy weekend this has been
Well, this sure ain't no E-ticket
Think I'll tell them where to stick it
'Cause I'm never coming back this way again
Oh no.
Oh no.

Young, Dumb, and Ugly

We're dangerous dudes, we got bad attitudes
Most of our brain cells are gone
We were born to be bad..you better not get us mad
Or we just might toilet paper your lawn
We got a reputation 'round these parts
We only leave a 10% tip
Sometimes we don't return our shopping carts
Stay out of our way and don't you give us no lip

'Cause we're Young, Dumb and Ugly
That's what we are
We're so Young, Dumb and Ugly

We wear black leather in the hottest weather
You can't imagine the smell
We got three-day stubble, our name spells trouble
T-R-U-B-E-L
Raisin' hell, bending the rules just a little
We're living only for thrills
We squeeze our toothpaste tubes from the middle
And wait until the last minute to pay our telephone bills

'Cause we're Young, Dumb and Ugly
You better believe it
We're Young, Dumb and Ugly
I'll tell you again
We're so Young, Dumb and Ugly
We're comin to your town
Yeah, we're so Young, Dumb and Ugly

We're wild reckless men, we're on a rampage again
We drive with just one hand on the wheel
Danger's in our soul, we're goin' out of control
Swimmin' right after a big heavy meal
We're there whenever trouble's startin'
We're rebels without a clue
We drink milk right from the carton
And we keep our library books till they're way overdue

'Cause we're Young, Dumb and Ugly
That's what we are
We're so Young, Dumb and Ugly
You can't stop us
We're Young (we're so Young) Dumb and Ugly
So ugly
Young, Dumb and Ugly

Bedrock Anthem

[Under the Bridge, Give It Away/Red Hot Chili Peppers/1991]

Sometimes I feel
Like I need a vacation
Sometimes I feel
Like I wanna go
To the city of cavemen
The city of Bedrock
I'd be a Flintstone
Now I'll tell you why....

Well I've got I've got a woman named Wilma
Well I've got I've got a baby named Pebbles
Well I've got I've got a doggy named Dino
We do a little bowling and we drink a little vino

Well I've got a little buddy, Barney Rubble
Got a neighbor by the name of Barney Rubble
He's a midget but he makes a lot of trouble
Does'nt like to shave, he got caveman stubble

Me and Barney, Loyal Order Water Buffalo
Lodge brothers, Loyal Order Water Buffalo
There's a handshake everybody gotta know
How come Grand Poo-Bah always gotta run the whole show?

Yabba dabba, Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, Yabba dabba dabba do now
I get by on all my prehistoric knowhow

Betty and Barney got a baby named Bamm-Bamm
Little Pebbles is his number one fan
He's the strongest toddler in the whole land
Tear your arm off if he shake-es your hand

Got a car, gonna push it with my feet now
Gonna take my family out to eat now
Jumbo ribs at the drive-in can't be beat now
Made from brontosaurus baby, not moo-cow

Wanna chill with a sabre-toothed tiger
Wear a loincloth, natural fiber
Be the first Rolling Stone subscriber
Got a pterodactyl for a windshield wiper

Yabba dabba, Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, Yabba dabba dabba do now
Don't know what it means but I say it anyhow

Lucky me, workin' down in the gravel pit
Movin' rocks, on a big dinosaur I sit
Mr. Slate gets mad and he throws a fit
Pull the birdie's tail, everybody knows its time to quit

Realize I'm livin' in the Stone Age
No fax, no cellular phone-Age
Pick my teeth with a dinosaur bone-Age
Liftin' heavy boulders every day for my wage

Barney Rubble, laugin' like a hyena
Barney Rubble, what a little wiener
Where's Wilma? Anybody seen her?
Got a baby elephant vacuum cleaner

Yabba dabba, Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, Yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, Yabba dabba dabba do now

Frank's 2000" TV

Risin' above the city, blocking out the noonday sun
It dwarfs the mighty redwoods and it towers over everyone
I still remember when that delivery truck came down our block
What a lucky guy, I hear he got the last one in stock
And the neighbors are just green
They say, "That's the biggest screen we've ever seen!"

It's Frank's 2000" TV
Everybody come and see
Frank's 2000" TV

There's Frank's remote control, you can look at it but don't touch it, please
'Cause Frank's the one in charge and he decides what everybody sees
The picture's crystal clear and everything is magnified
Robert DeNiro's mole has got to be ten feet wide
Everybody in the town
Can hear those 90,000 watts of Dolby Sound
And I'm mighty proud to say
Now I can watch "The Simpsons" from 30 blocks away

On Frank's 2000" TV
Everybody come and see
Frank's 2000" TV
Everybody come and see

I'm gonna get one of my own real soon
It's like having a drive-in movie in your own living room
Whoa, hey now, hey no na na na now
Hey now, Hey now na na now

Frank's 2000" TV
Everybody come and see
You won't believe it
Frank's 2000" TV
Everybody come and see
Frank's 2000" TV
Get a 2-year warranty on parts and labor
Frank's 2000" TV
Frank's 2000" TV

Achy Breaky Song

[Achy Breaky Heart/(Billy Ray Cyrus)/1992]

You can torture me
With Donnie and Marie
You can play some Barry Manilow
Or you can play some shlock
Like New Kids on the Block
Or any Village People song you know

Or play Vanilla Ice
Hey, you can play hime twice
And you can play the Bee Gees any day
But Mr. DJ please
I'm beggin on my knees
I can't take no more of Billy Ray

Don't play that song
That Achy Breaky song
The most annoying song I know
And if you play that song
That Achy Breaky song
I might blow up my radio (ooooo)

You can clean the room 
By playing Debbie Boone
Or crank you Abba records until dawn
Oh, I could even hear
Slim Whitman or Zamphir
Don't mind no Yoko Ono marathon

Or play some Tiffany
On 8-track or CD
Or scrape your fingernails across the board
Or tie me to a chair 
And kick me down the stairs
Just please don't play that song no more

Don't play that song
That Achy Breaky song
You know I hate that song a bunch
And if you play that song
That nauseating song
It might just make me lose my lunch (oooo)

Don't play that song
That Achy Breaky song
I think its driving me insane
Oh, please don't play that song
That irritating song
I'd rather have a pitchfork in my brain

Don't play that song
That Achy Breaky song
The most annoying song I know
And if you play that song
That Achy Breaky song
I might blow up my radio (ooooo)

Traffic Jam

Carbon Monoxide
Making me choke
No A.C.
And the radio's broke
Cars backed up
Far as you can see
Seems like I've been waiting here for all eternity
Oh, and just in case you're wondering
I'll tell you where I am
I'm right here (right here) right here (right here)
Stuck right here in the middle of this...

Traffic Jam
I haven't moved one inch from this here spot
Traffic Jam
The freeway's one big parking lot
Traffic Jam
My radiator's boiling hot
And I'm stuck right here in the middle (right here in the middle)
Right here in the middle of a traffic jam

Trapped inside
My automobile
Cobwebs growin' 
On the steering wheel
Now, I'm no genius
But one thing I know
I shouldn't have eaten that bag
Of bran muffins
An hour and a half ago
Yeah, and if you need to find me
I'll tell you where I am
I'm right here (right here) right here (right here)
Stuck smack dab in the middle of this...

Traffic Jam
I have'nt moved one inch from his here spot
Traffic Jam
The freeway's one big parking lot
Traffic Jam
Well I thought we were movin' but I guess we're not
'Cause I'm stuck right here in the middle (right here in the
middle)
Right here in the middle of the Traffic Jam

Stuck in the middle of a traffic jam
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Bumper to bumper to bumper to bumper to
Bumper to bumper to bumper to bumper to
Bumper to bumper to bumper to bumper...
Yay-hey!

There's a yuppie on a cellular phone
I'm gonna puke if I hear any more
There's a motorcycle zoomin' by me
Watch what happens when I open my door
Now we're all goin' nowhere fast
Well, I guess that's perfectly clear
I left home five hours ago
And I can still see my house from here
So if anybody's tryin' to find me
Well, I'll tel you where I am
Right here (right here) right here (right here)
Stuck right here in the middle of this...

Traffic Jam
I haven't moved one inch from this here spot
Traffic Jam
The freeway's one big parking lot
Traffic Jam
Now my back teeth are floatin' and my nerves are shot
And I'm stuck right here in the middle (right here in the middle)
Stuck right here in the middle of a traffic jam
Traffic jam, traffic jam, traffic jam---woo!

Talk Soup

I dated Siamese twins
I slept with Bigfoot, too
Get me on Sally Jesse
Put me on Donahue
'Cause I wanna tell the whole world about it
Right now

My dog's a narcoleptic
My mom's a circus freak
I gotta get a spot on
Geraldo's show this week
'Cause I wanna tell the world about it
Right now

I'm just an anorexic codependant bingo addict
Stripper born without a chin
And I'm only comfortable talking about it
When the whole wide world is listening in
Talk Soup, Talk Soup
Listen to me.  Listen to me.  Listen to me

My wife ran off with Elvis
My boss shaved off my hair
I've got a thing for poodles
And rubber underwear
And I wanna tell the world about it
Right Now

I had a close encounter
I never chew my food
I got eleven nose jobs
I yodel in the nude
And I wanna tell the whole world about it
Right Now

I'm just a cross-dressin' alcoholic neo-Nazi
Porno star, as you may have guessed
And I'm really gonna feel a whole lot better
If you let me ge this thing off my chest
Talk Soup...Talk Soup
Listen to me.  Listen to me.  Listen to me

I'm just your average schitzophrenic nymphomaniac
Albino go-go dancer, you see
Nothin' so bad that I can't share it
With a billion friends on national TV, whoa.

I have no genitalia
I sold my kids for cheese
I love my blow-up doll, so
Bring out those cameras, please
'Cause I gotta tell the world about it
Right Now

Talk Soup.  Talk Soup
Listen to me.  Listen to me.  Listen to me

Livin' In the Fridge

[Living on the Edge/Aerosmith/1993]

There's somethin' weird in the fridge today
I don't know what it is
Food I can't recognize
My roommate won't throw a thing away
I guess it's probably his
It looks like it's alive.

And Livin' in the Fridge, livin' in the fridge
Livin' in the Fridge, livin' in the fridge

There's something gross in the fridge today
It's green and growin' hair
It's been there since July
If you can name the object 
In that baggie over there
Then mister, you're a better man than I!

It's Livin' in the Fridge
You can't stop the mold from growin'
Livin' in the Fridge
Can't tell what it is at all
Livin' in the Fridge
You can't stop the mold from growin'
Livin' in the Fridge

Tell me, do you think it can be carbon-dated
Fumigated or cremated and buried at sea?
You try to save a little bit of your home cookin'
Couple weeks later, got a scary-lookin' specimen
It always happens my friend
Again and again and again and again

Somethin' stinks in the fridge today
And it's been rottin' there all week
It could be liver cake or woolly mammoth steak
We, maybe I should take another peek

(Creeeeeeeeek!)

Livin' in the Fridge
You can't stop the mold from growin'
Livin' in the Fridge
Can't tell what it is at all
Livin' in the Fridge
You can't stop the mold from growin'
Livin' in the Fridge
Livin' in the Fridge
Don't know what it is, Don't know what it is
Livin' in the Fridge
Don't know what it is, Don't know what it is
Livin' in the Fridge
Don't know what it is at all
Livin' in the Fridge, yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah

She Never Told Me She Was a Mime

When we first met she seemed perfectly normal
I never dreamed she'd make my life so hard
You see, my baby, she started to change
Started lookin' kinda strange
Wearin' all that white makeup and those black leotards
Well, I guess she kept her little secret pretty well
Now ever since I learned the horrible truth, you know my life
Has been a living hell
That's right, you see...

She never told me she was a mime
She never told me she was a mime, oh no
Actin' like she's trapped inside a big glass box all the time
She never told me, she nver told me she was a....
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mime

I wish we both could just talk it all over
But my baby won't even make a sound
Now she makes everybody sick
Doin' that pantomime shtick
Even our old friends have stopped coming around
Well, my parents can't stand her and the neighbors hate her guts
She's really, really embarrassing me...this silent treatment's
Driving me Nuts!
You see...

She never told me she was a mime
She never told me she was a mime..Oh no
Now she's actin' like she's trapped inside a big glass box all the time...
What a crime
She never told (she never told me) she never told me she
Was a mime

She walks against the wind everywhere we go
Stops at every corner, gotta put on a show
Carries 'round a picture of Marcel Marceau
Always was the quiet type, but how was I to know?

She never told me she was a mime
She never told me she was a mime..Oh no
Actin' like she's trapped inside a big glass box all the 
Ti-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yime
She never told me, she never told me she was a mime

Harvey The Wonder Hamster

Oh, Harvey, Harvey
Harvey the Wonder Hamster
He doesn't bite and he doesn't squeal
He just runs around on his hamster wheel
Harvey, Harvey
Harvey The Wonder Hamster
HEY HARVEY!!!

Waffle King

It took a lifetime, but finally found
The perfect waffle recipe
You'll never find a batter any better in this whole stinkin' town
One little bite any I'm sure you'll agree

Your eyes roll back and your knees get weak
Aw, You're gonna lick your plate clean
People come from miles around just to study my technique
I make the best darn waffles this world has ever seen

I'm the Waffle King (yeah)
Waffle King
That's what they call me
Waffle King
Hey, I'm the Waffle King

Everywhere I go now, the people cheer
I never have to wait in line
People say, "Right this way, sir, your money's no good here"
Some day I betcha they'll build me a shrine

And everybody say, "Well I'm your biggest fan!"
"I seen your picture in People Magazine!"
Folks come from all around the world just to shake my hand
If you don't believe in the power of the WAFFLE lemme show you
Just what I mean

I the Waffle King
Make you scream and shout
Waffle King
That's my name, don't wear it out
Waffle King
Make no mistake about it
I'm the Waffle King (yeah)

Roll out the red carpet, 'cause here I come!
All you peons better scram
Out of my way now, you worthless piece of scum
Don't you know who I am?
Hey!

I wanna see you grovel, you waffle-eatin' fools
Everybody on your Knees!
You wanna buy a waffle, you're playing by MY rules
Go on, beg me, lemme here you say ,"Pretty Please"

Can't you tell the universe revolves around me?
Don't you know you suckers owe me everything?
And can't you see that I'm the highest form of life that there
Could ever be?
Everybody all around the world, stand up and sing
Come on now...

Waffle King
Hey batter batter
Waffle King
Hot on your platter
Waffle King
Say, what's the matter
Don't you know who I am?
Don't you know who I am?
Tell 'em girls

(He's the WA WA WA WA WA WA WAFFLE KING)
Yeah Yeah
(He's the WA WA WA WA WA WA WAFFLE KING)
Tell the truth now
(He's the WA WA WA WA WA WA WAFFLE KING)
Don't you know who I am?
Don't you know who I am?

Bohemian Polka

Bohemian Polka is a re-arrangement of "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen.

["Bohemian Rapsody" by Queen (1975)]

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality.

Open your eyes,
Look up to the skies and see.
I'm just a poor boy,
I need no sympathy.
'Cause it's easy come, easy go,
Little high, little low.
Any way the wind blow
Doesn't really matter to me.
To me.

Mother, just killed a man.
Put a gun against his head,
Pulled my trigger now he's dead.
Mama, life had just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away.
Mama, ooo.
Didn't mean to make you cry,
If I'm not back again this time tommorow,
Carry on, carry on,
As if nothing really matters.

Too late,
My time has come.
Sends shivers down my spine,
Body's aching all the time.
Goodbye everybody.
I've gotta go.
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.

Mama, ooo.
I don't wanna die,
In fact I wish I'd never been born at all.

I see a little silhouetto of man.
Sharamoosh sharamoosh will you do the fandango.
Thunderbolt and lightening very very frightening me.

Gallileo.  (Gallileo).
Gallileo.  (Gallileo).
Gallileo.  Figaro (magnifico).

I'm just a poor boy,
Nobody loves me.
He's just a poor boy,
From a poor family.
Spare him his life from this monstrosity.

Easy come, easy go.
Will you let me go?
Bismillah (No!)
We will not let you go (let me go!)
Bismillah
We will not let you go (let me go!)
Will not let you go (let me go!)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh mammamia mammamia!
Mammamia let me go.
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,
For me,
For me.

So you think you could stone me and spit in my eye?
So you think you could love me and leave me to die?
Oooh baby.
Can't do this to me baby.
Just got to get out,
Just gotta get right out of here.

Nothing really matters,
Anyone can see.
Nothing really matters.
Nothing really matters,
To me.

Any way the wind,
any way the wind,
any way the wind blows.  Hey!