Channel 27: "Weird Al" Yankovic!
Editor: David Tanny
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Weird Al Album Trax: Other Songs Released and UnreleasedPlease note: I haven't heard all of these songs, so I can't vouch for their correctness. They've been picked off from alt.music.weird-al and elsewhere.
Headline News[Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm/Crash Test Dummies/1993] Once, there was this kid who Took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint. And when he finally came back, He had cane marks all over his bottom. He said that it was from when The warden whacked it so hard. Mmm mmm mmm mmm. Mmm mmm mmm mmm. Once there was this girl who Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion. And when she finally made it, She saw some other girl who was better. And so she hired some guy to Club her in the kneecap. Mmm mmm mmm mmm. Mmm mmm mmm mmm. Mmm mmm mmm mmm. Mmm mmm mmm mmm. They got paid for their sound bytes, And sold their TV movie rights. And then, there was this guy who Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner. And when he finally came to, He found little Mr. Happy was missing. He couldn't quite explain it, It'd always just been there. Mmm mmm mmm mmm. Mmm mmm mmm mmm. Mmm mmm mmm mmm. Mmm mmm mmm mmm. Ahh ahh ahh ahh. Ahh ahh ahh ahh. Ahh ahh ahh ahh. Ahh ahh ahh ahh. Snack All Night
[Black or White/Michael Jackson]
I'm never satisfied with three meals a day
{Well, well, this evening/While the work is sleeping}
I'll be munching away
Gonna sneak into the kitchen
Gonna tiptoe down and turn on the light
(Right, yeah,)
If no one's 'round to see you, it don't matter if you snack all night
A million chicken bones are under my bed
A pile of Twinkie wrappers all 'round my head
Jelly doughnuts to the left of me
Got a bag of chocolate chips on the right
(Right, yeah,)
If you don't mind the cal'ries, it don't matter if you snack all night
Chicken Pot Pie[Live and Let Die/Paul McCartney] When we were young, Bernie's deli was down the block. He made a great liver pate. (You know he did. You know he did. You know he did.) But if there's one thing in this world that I like better Than a corned beef on rye, It's chicken pot pie. Chicken pot pie. Chicken pot pie. Chicken pot pie. It's Still Billy Joel to Me
[It's Still Rock-n-Roll to Me/Billy Joel]
What's the matter with the song he's singing?
Can't you tell that it's pretty lame?
After listening to a couple albums
well it all starts to sound the same.
So we tried to change his musical style.
He tossed all his albums in the circular file.
Famous sound, punk sound, breaking ground, all around,
it's still Billy Joel to me.
What's the matter with the tune he's writing?
Well you know it's gonna be a smash.
It's so nice when you're a big name artist,
'cause no matter if it sounds like trash.
Now everybody thinks the new wave is super.
Just ask Linda Rondstat, or even Alice Cooper.
It's a big hit, isn't it, even if it's a piece of -- JUNK,
it's still Billy Joel to me.
Oh, it doesn't matter what the critics say about him,
'cause he doesn't worry how they feel.
When your records sell a million
{they don't know if you're just whinin'/your last one's goin' plat'num}
You don't worry 'bout your next meal,
'cause money's no big deal.
Maybe he should dye his hair bright {green/pink}
and stick a safety pin through his cheeks.
Then he'd really fit the new wave image,
but he couldn't sit down for weeks!
Don't you know about the record business, honey?
You gotta be trendy if you wanna make some money!
Everybody's sayin' that he sure sounds funny,
but it's still Billy Joel to me!
(accordion solo...)
(If you listen closely here, you can hear someone yell "All right
Alfie!")
I can hardly wait for his next album,
well I bet it's gonna be the rage.
Buy a ticket to his next concert,
well I wonder what he'll do on stage.
It might be disco and it might be the blues,
or maybe even something like the B-52's.
But the hand-clap, baker's-snap, even if it's mindless rap
It's still Billy Joel to me
Everybody's sayin' that he sure sounds funny,
but it's still Billy Joel to me.
Polka PatternsNot Written by Weird AlEverywhere, I see them there, I stop and stare at patterns. I don't care, I must declare, I got a flair for patterns. On my hair, the clothes I wear, my savoir faire is patterns. All I see are patterns, the patterns that repeat! Let's go into the bathroom... I know were in a room where you would not expect much math, Usually you're in here for a shower or a bath, But if you gaze upon the floor and if you're kind of smart, You'll see the repetition is like geometric art! Wow! Haha! Look! Everywhere, I see them there, I stop and stare at patterns. I don't care, I must declare, I got a flair for patterns. On my hair, the clothes I wear, my savoir faire is patterns. All I see are patterns, the patterns that repeat! Hey! A polka-meister like myself never has to be bored, I just grab my act and play some patterns on my keyboard. Now's the time for earplugs if you care about your health, So stand back everybody, I'm going to express myself! Look at that! Patterns! I've got blisters on my fingers! Woo! Hey! Oh get down! Yeah! Help me somebody! Still there? Okay. Next time you find yourself at an exciting polka party, You can make some patterns with your feet and with your body, If you don't know the steps yet, here's the gang with all the answers, Ladies and Gentlemen, introducting the `Weird Al' Polka Dancers! There they are. Everywhere, we see them there, we stop and stare at patterns. We don't care, we must declare, we've got a flair for patterns. On our hair, the clothes we wear, our savoir faire is patterns. All we see are patterns, the patterns that repeat! Wallpaper, skyscrapers, funny papers, patterns! Evergreens, nouvelle cuisine, human beings, patterns! Garden rakes, wedding cakes, rattlesnakes, patterns! Golden wheat, little feet, my heartbeat... I gotta stop... Patterns! Patterns! Patterns! Patterns! Yoda Chantda din din da da din din da na tin tin na da din din da dit dit da terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut teeta guddygayna da terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut teeta guddygayna da terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut teeta guddygayna da din din da da din din da na tin tin na da din din da cutta cutta cutta cutta cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit naw nay daw cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit naw nay daw cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit naw nay da da cuddagudda dit naw cuh-ta da cuddagudda dit naw cuh-ta da cuddagudda dit naw cuh-ta da da cuddagudda dit naw cuh-ta da Pac Man(shamelessly taken from Happy Steve's site.)
[Tax Man/The Beatles] (one, two, thray, four, one, two [nasal hocking sound]) I used to be a pinball freak That's where you'd find me every week But now it's Pacman! Ye-ea-ah it's the Pac-ma-an! I love to gobble up those dots Keep pumpin' quarters in the slots They call it "Pacman"! Ye-ea-ah it's the Pac-ma-an! At the game arcade they say I'm "hard core" I can play all day 'til my hands are sore And I quit my job just to play some more But I won't give up 'til I break high score Pacman! [music from Pacman "intermission"] Well it's the Pacman! Ye-ea-ah it's the Pac-ma-an! Well it takes a lot of cash to play (Pacman! Get the cherry!) So I'm gonna sell my house today (Pacman! Eat 'em up!) I'm playin' Pacman! Ye-ea-ah it's the Pac-ma-an! Hey mom, I won't be home this year (Pacma-an!) Please forward all my mail right here! (Pacma-an!) I'm at the Pacman! Ye-ea-ah it's the Pac-ma-an! ...and you're playing with no one but me Pacman! [music from Pacman "intermission"] [sound from when Pacman dies] Spy HardA man of intrigue he lives for the thrill Always has places to go and people to kill Danger is the game he plays and he holds every card Cause if you wanna win you gotta spy hard A man of the world so suave and discreet He trips over women piled up at his feet But evil's lurking so he's always on his guard Cause if your gonna spy you better spy hard He's always there when the chips are beginning to fall He wouldn't care if they kicked him and grabbed him and shot him and stabbed him and nailed both his ears to the wall Facing death everyday is a tough job for any man But his hours are flexible and he's got a great dental plan By the way if you walked in late allow me to reiterate The name of this movie is Spy Hard They call it Spy Hard Spy HardA man of intrigue, he lives for the thrill, Always has places to go, and people to kill, Danger is the game he plays, and he holds every card, Cause if you wanna win, you gotta Spy Hard! A man of the world, so suave and descrete, He trips over the women piled up at his feet, But evil's lurking, so he's always on his guard, Cause if you're gonna spy, you better Spy Hard! He's always there when the chips are begining to fall, He wouldn't care if they kicked him and grabbed him and shot him and stabbed him and nailed both his ears to the wall! Facing death everyday is a tough job for any man, But his hours are flexible, and he's got a great dental plan, By the way if you walked in late, allow me to re-itterate, The name of this movie is Spy Hard! They call it Spy Hard! You're watching Spy Hard! It's the theme from Spy Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard! Gee, I'm a Nerd[Free as a Bird/Beatles/1995] Gee, I'm a nerd Seen each Star Trek 80 times Memorized each word Home alone On Friday nights But I got 8 gigabytes Left on my hard drive I hope that I can get/I'm hooked as I can get/I hope Bernard can get Into the Internet Maybe you would like to see my web page I love my new PC It means the world o me So many things to download Gee, I'm a nerd All the jocks and muscle-heads Flip me the bird Cause I'm a nerd Gee, I'm a nerd I'll Repair For YouAl's new theme to "Home Improvement", as performed live on the Bad Hair Day tour (parody of "I'll Be There For You (Theme from 'Friends')" by The Rembrandts)
So you got dry rot
And your water pressure's weak.
The trash compactor's broke,
Your roof has sprung a leak.
You just found out your toilet's overflowed,
And your smoke detector's smoking,
And your heater's gonna explode.
But...
I'll repair for you,
When your roof starts to fall.
I'll repair for you,
All the cracks in your wall.
I'll repair for you,
Every nail, bolt, and screw.
Your washer's busted
And your faucet drips all night.
You've got some termites
With a healthy appetite.
Well, have no fear, I'll patch up every hole.
And I'm licensed, and I'm bonded,
Even se habla español.
So...
I'll repair for you,
When your doorknobs are loose.
I'll repair for you,
When your plunger's no use.
I'll repair for you,
With some caulk and hot glue.
I am prepared to tackle
All kinds of paint and spackle.
You got a leaky shower,
I'll be there in an hour.
With stucko, bricks, and plaster,
I am a Jedi Master.
We'll help you through your crisis.
Check out our low, low prices too!
Your floors are sagging
And your plumbing's shot.
Well, if you don't mind my hair butt crack
Every time that I squat,
Then...
I'll repair for you,
Anything that you need.
I'll repair for you,
And the work's guaranteed.
I'll repair for you,
I'll rewire it too.
I'll repair for you.
I'll repair for you.
I'll repair for you.
Every nail, bolt, and screw.
ALT LYRIC ARRANGEMENT...
So you got dry rot and your water pressure's weak
Your trash compactors broke, the roof has sprung a leak
You just found out your toilet's over flowed
And your smoke detector's smoking and your heater's gonna explode
But... I'll repair for you
(When the roof starts to fall)
I'll repair for you
(All the cracks in your wall)
I'll repair for you
(Every nail, bolt and screw)
Your washer's busted and your faucet drips all night
You got some termites with a healthy appetite
Well have no fear, I'll patch up every hole
And I'm licensed and I'm bonded, even se habla espanol
So... I'll repair for you
(When your doorknob is loose)
I'll repair for you
(When your plunger's no use)
I'll repair for you
(With a caulk and hot glue)
I am prepared to tackle, all kinds of paste and spackle
You got a leaky shower, I'll be there in an hour
With stucco, bricks, and plaster, I am a Jedi master
We'll help you through your crisis,
Check out our low low prices too... yeah
Your floors are sagging and your plumbing's shot
But if you don't mind my hairy butt crack every time that I squat
I'll repair for you, anything that you need
I'll repair for you, and my word's guaranteed
I'll repair for you, I'll rewire it too
I'll repair for you, I'll repair for you
I'll repair for you, every nail, bolt and screw
Separated/Laundry Dayperformed in medley since 1996 (parody of "Come Out And Play" by Offspring)Lyrics by "Weird Al" Yankovic (You gotta keep'em separated) You like the latest fashions You'd like to keep'em clean You take a trip every week to the laundromat Throw a load in the washing machine But if you don't wanna ruin your clothes You gotta sort'em out first as everyone knows Remember bright colors and the other don't mix Before you wash'em up, wash'em up, wash'em up, wash'em up... HEY!!! Hey! Are your undies turnin' pink? Take 'em out. (Gotta keep 'em separated!) Hey! Are your cottons gonna shrink? Sort 'em out. (Gotta keep 'em separated!) Hey-ay, then when it's time You can stick'em in the dryer You can hang'em on a li-e-ine Hey-ay! It's Laundry Day! Baby Likes Burping - bathroom recording, 1979(parody of "Baby Talks Dirty" by The Knack) You know my baby likes burping. You know my baby's kinda nauseating. [burps] My little vulgar one is so gross, 'Cause when I hold her in my arms so close she goes [burps] And out in public it's embarrassing. She'll burp at anyone or anything. She's so revolting and disgusting And repulsive to me, yeah! My little lady's so obnoxious. Today she walked onto a Greyhound bus goin' [burps] And then a couple hours later, My baby's in a crowded elevator. [burps] That little filthy pig is so obscene. I'm really glad she doesn't like beans. She's so revolting and disgusting And repulsive to me, yeah! Oh, I wonder what's her trip. Oh, she'd better can it quick. Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick. If baby does it anymore, I think I'll just pretend like I don't know her. [burps] You know my baby likes burping. You know my baby is really sickening! [burps] That's enough! That's it! [record scratch] Belvedere Cruising - home tape, 1976Now you won't find me braggin' 'Bout my big green station wagon, Or tellin' 'bout the traffic laws I'm breakin'. Everybody knows that I wouldn't dare Match my wits with a red Corvair, And just the thought of a Pinto leaves me shakin'. Now, I don't think that I could hack Drivin' a big white Cadillac With ripped up upholstery and unnecessary frills. No, I don't think that I could bear Drivin' somethin' other than a Belvedere. In a Belvedere I can really get my thrills. Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight. Just watch me pass that Porsche on the right. I can take you anywhere, In my 1964 Belvedere. Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight! I don't think that I could cruise In one of those small VW's, Or zip along the highway in a classy pickup truck. There's somethin' 'bout a Comet That makes me wanna vomit, And those Datsuns just ain't worth a Fudgesicle, no! Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight. You got nothin' to lose but your life. It can take away your blues, All you've gotta do is cruise In my big black Plymouth Belvedere tonight! With red upholstery! Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight, yes indeed. Woo! Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight. Yeah! Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight! Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios - home tape, 1979(parody of "Cheerio Cherry Lips Cheerio" by Gordon Wallace [Scrappy Lambert]) Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios. Did you know Froot Loops fit in your nose? I may be just a simple guy, But just the thought of Corn Flakes makes me high. Cheerios, Cocoa Puffs, Cheerios, Makes me want to take off all my clothes. I love them dearly, and that's how it goes. Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios. Nobody Here But Us Frogs - home tape, 1979Oh, I've really got those ozone layer blues From my elbow down to my shoes, So let's throw another fire on the logs. Now we can go downtown and fill the latrine With genuine Columbian lima beans. Dynastic and elastic, it's all made out of plastic, There's nobody here but us frogs. I'd like to find a girl who really cares About the size of my nasal hairs. She could feed bananas to the dogs. We could climb the church and look down from the steeple, Where all the ants look like people. Nutritious and delicious, it's even surreptitious, There's nobody here but us frogs. They say I'm crazy, But I couldn't care less. Why don't they leave me alone? Can't they see that I'm happy to be a psychiatrical mess? I get a thrill Bein' mentally ill. Yes I do. They seem to think it's a crime, But it's a pleasure sublime, oh yes. That's why I'm happy here inside these padded walls, Makin' obscene telephone calls, And throwin' TV dinners to the hogs. I never trust a naked Eskimo, And don't you eat that purple snow. Revolting and disgusting, My belly button's rusting, There's nobody here but us frogs. They say I'm crazy, But I couldn't care less. Why don't they leave me alone? Can't they see that I'm happy to be a psychiatrical mess? I get a thrill Bein' mentally ill. Yes I do. They seem to think it's a crime, But it's a pleasure sublime, oh yes. That's why I'm happy here inside these padded walls, Makin' obscene telephone calls, And throwin' TV dinners to the hogs. I like to eat my ice cubes boiling hot, And Wilshire Boulevard's a Commie plot. Amazingly congruent, and commonly affluent. Innately effervescent, surprisingly incessant. Superblier commended (?), eccentric and demented, There's nobody here but us, Nobody here but us, Nobody here but us frogs, I mean it. Nobody here but us frogs. Take Me Downsubmission on local San Luis Obispo (SLO) LP Someday I'm gonna pack up And then I'm goin' back up To that place where sentimental feelings arouse Where the grass is so green And the air is so clean That when the wind is right you can even smell the cows Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town Where time shifts into neutral And idles away Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town I've got to get back To that city today If you're new in town Then you'll wanna look around But you don't know where to begin Well, there's Bubble Gum Alley And the local car rally Not to mention the toilets at Madonna Inn Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town Where time shifts into neutral And idles away Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town I've got to get back To that city today It's not much of a hassle To drive up to Hearst's Castle And it's not too far from Pismo Beach or Morro Rock You can visit downtown at your leisure Because for your shopping pleasure The stores never close down until five o'clock Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town Where time shifts into neutral And idles away Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town I've got to get back To that city today Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town Where time shifts into neutral And idles away Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town I've got to get back To that city today Leisure Suit Serenade - home tape, 1979Wearin' old T-shirts and grubby jeans, People say I look kinda odd. Well, I'm never accepted in the social set 'Cause they say that I'm a clod. But once in a while, I go to my closet And I put on something mod. And when I step out in my leisure suit, People stand up and applaud. Leisure suit serenade. Slip one on and you got it made. You better hope and pray that the colors don't fade. That's the leisure suit serenade. Now, it don't matter if the collar's bent If it's got nylon twenty percent. Now I'm as cool as the ASB* president. Leisure suit serenade. Leisure suit serenade. Slip one on and you got it made. You better hope and pray that the colors don't fade. That's the leisure suit serenade, oh yeah. That's the leisure suit serenade. [* ASB = Associated Student Body in Southern California schools] School Cafeteria - home tape, 1976Is it on? Okay. 1, 2. 1, 2, 5, 6. Let me tell you 'bout the school cafeteria, It's got all the others beat. It sells over four million burgers a year. Just think, that's almost two pounds of meat. My ice cream sandwich is lukewarm, But my burrito is much too cold. A school cafeteria is the only place That sells artificially colored mold. You know a school cafeteria believes in mass production. They buy those lousy soy beans by the keg. I don't like to complain, but in a school cafeteria, You can get a taco and get Bubonic Plague. Today in the school cafeteria, They introduced a brand new malt. It's called boysenberry dysentery, Please pass the salt. The tunafish sandwiches'll make you ill. The enchiladas are enough to kill. Before you eat, you'd better make out your will In the school cafeteria today. Say, boys and girls, tired of being skinny? Eat a school lunch today! All starch and cholesterol. Absolutely no protein! Remember: fourteen million teenagers can't be wrong! Feel your arteries growing hard As you eat another healthy spoonful of lard. It's no wonder that the food is so gross, The health department is afraid to come close. So everybody better hold your nose In the school cafeteria today. So listen very closely, all you girls and guys. Here's a little message to the wise. You'd better not try the chili surprise In the school cafeteria today, oh yeah. In the school cafeteria today! School Cafeteria - single B-side, 1979Now, let me tell you 'bout the school cafeteria, It's got all the others beat. It sells over four million burgers a year. Just think, that's almost two pounds of meat. My ice cream sandwich is lukewarm, But my burrito is much too cold. You know a school cafeteria is the only place That sells artificially colored mold. You know a school cafeteria believes in mass production. They buy those lousy soy beans by the keg. I don't like to complain, but in a school cafeteria, You can buy a taco and get Bubonic Plague. Today in the school cafeteria, They introduced a brand new malt. It's called boysenberry dysentery, Please pass the salt. The tunafish sandwiches'll make you ill. The enchiladas are enough to kill. Before you eat, you'd better make out your will In the school cafeteria today. After sixty-three years in the business, Our cook still hasn't got The Knack. And all the food in the school cafeteria Comes from CARE packages that were sent back. Feel your arteries growing hard As you eat another healthy spoonful of lard. It's no wonder that the food is so gross, The health department is afraid to come close. So everybody better hold your nose In the school cafeteria today. So listen very closely, all you girls and guys. Here's a little message to the wise. You'd better not try the chili surprise In the school cafeteria today, oh yeah. In the school cafeteria today! "You Don't Take Your Showers"(parody of "You Don't Bring Me Flowers") You don't take your showers You don't use Ban Roll On Please don't come near me anymore I'll throw up on the floor because you make me ill I remember when... You used to smell half-decent That hasn't been too recent Now your repulsing all the people you know You perspire freely, your dandruff's like snow And you're drawing flies everywhere that you go 'Cuz you don't take your showers anymore I had to buy some Airwick You even made my dog sick You can't come over anymore 'cuz your hygiene is poor And besides, you're a slob You create a nuisance When you're out in public When you walk up to people in your smelly old clothes And they just run from you, holding their nose And you claim that you're lonely But THAT'S HOW IT GOES! 'Cuz you don't take your showers anymore And you claim that you're lonely But that's how it goes... 'Cuz you don't change your undies And you don't use Ban Roll On And you don't take your showers...any...more TBAWindows 95 Sucks!Note: This is NOT by Weird Al, but it's here just to make this statement.Original lyrics from : Rolling Stones, "Start me up" Well, I bought up. Brought windows home, and d'cided to boot it up. But when I load it up, It says my memory is not enough... I'd be runnin' out. I need some extra RAM to fix me up... I have to cough it up... Open my wallet up. It never stops. (4x) It's Windows 95! It suckin' up my Drive. It' makes a pretty all fine. But my PC... is obsolete. I'll have to buy myself a brandnew machine... Bring it up... Stick me up. You suck me in, and then you got me hooked. You got me..., you got me. There's so much stuff to buy I need a new harddrive It's gonna suck me dry. My CPU says, 'don't have the speed', it takes an hour just to bring up the screen nanana, Oh no. I making software buys, Wow! It's making Bill Gated come. Yoyo. You make a rich man come. Food Medley 1985[parody of "Hold Me Now" by The Thompson Twins] I had a pizza, Covered with cheese. I wrapped it all up in aluminum foil, Stuck it back in the freeze. Look at my crust now, See what I mean. It's getting all wrinkled, And my pepperoni is hairy and green. Ah, 'cause it's moldy now, It got moldy fast. How can I Make leftovers last, make leftovers last? I was so hungry, What could I do? I finished the pizza And topped it all off with some mystery stew. Now I feel kinda queasy, Yeah, yeah, what can I say? So I called my physician To wish him that he'd make a house call today. [parody of "Doctor! Doctor!" by The Thompson Twins] Woah, 'cause he's my doctor, doctor, And his name is Bernie, Bernie. Oh, doctor, doctor, I'm feelin' pretty dismal. Doctor, doctor, And his name is Bernie, Bernie. Oh, doctor, doctor, Where's my Pepto Bismol? [parody of "Mistake No. 3" by Culture Club] The first steak I ordered, It wasn't very hot. I had to send it back, Let 'em have one more shot. But the second steak I ordered, Well it was lousy too. Now I really hate to say it, But there's one thing that you gotta do. Make me steak number three, yeah. Make me steak number three. Make me steak number three, yeah, yeah, yeah. Make me steak number three. [parody of "Sister Christian" by Night Ranger] Burger King! What's the price for fries? I'll take the jumbo size! I need fast food tonight! [parody of "Don't You (Forget About Me)" by Simple Minds] Hey! Oooh! Oh! One rule you all should obey: Eat from the four basic food groups everyday. Have bread, and vegetables too, Some dairy products, but whatever you do Don't you forget about meat. Don't, don't, don't, don't, Don't you forget about meat. [parody of "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper] I know to keep a woman satisfied. When I whip out my Diner's Card their eyes get so wide. They're always in the mood for something to munch. Ah girls, they wanna have lunch. Ah, girls just wanna have... That's all they really want, Some lunch. Don't ask 'em to dinner Or breakfast or brunch, 'Cause girls, they wanna have lunch. Ah, girls just wanna have lunch. Girls they want, wanna have lunch, girls, wanna have... [parody of "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor] Fat and weak, what a disgrace. Guess the champ got too lazy. Ain't gonna fly now, he's just takin' up space. Sold his gloves, threw his eggs down the drain. But he's no bum, he lives down the street. He bought the neighborhood deli. Back on his feet, now he's choppin' up meat. Come inside, maybe you'll hear him say, Try the rye or the kaiser, They're on special tonight. Let me please be your catering advisor. If you want substitutions, I won't put up a fight. You can have your roast beef on the rye or the kaiser. [parody of "I Love Rock 'n Roll" by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts] I hear those ice cream bells and I start to drool. Keep a couple quarts in my locker at school. Yeah, but chocolate's gettin' old, Vanilla just leaves me cold. There's just one flavor good enough for me, yeah me! Don't gimme no crummy taste spoon, I know what I need. Baby, I love rocky road, So won't you go and buy half a gallon, baby? I love rocky road, Now have another triple scoop with me! Ow! [parody of "Maneater" by Hall & Oates] Oh, oh, here she comes. Boy, she likes that processed meat. Oh, oh, here she comes. She's Spameater! [parody of "Feel Like Makin' Love" by Bad Company] Baby, when we go to parties, I drink a buncha beer. Then my tummy starts a-grumblin' Feelin' queer. And then I feel like I feel like throwin' up! I feel like throwin' up! Feel like throwin' up on you. [parody of "Desperado" by The Eagles] Avocado, What makes you think you're so holy? You're gonna be guacamole before too long. Oh, you're a green one, You know that you're out of season. You'd better let somebody eat you, Let somebody eat you. Ya better let somebody eat you Before it's too late. [parody of "Whole Lotta Love" by Led Zeppelin] Wanna whole lotta lunch! Wanna whole lotta lunch! Wanna whole lotta lunch! Wanna whole lotta lunch! Way down inside! Woman, you need LUNCH! [parody of "My Sharona" by The Knack] Goin' to the market now, market now. I'm the city's biggest bologna buyer. Walkin' down the shopping aisle, shopping aisle, Filling up my basket with Oscar Meyer. Never gonna stop, eat it up, Such a tasty snack. I always eat too much, and throw up, But I'll soon be back For my-my-my-y-y woo! M-m-m-m-m-m-m-my-my-my-y-y woo! M-m-m-my bologna. M-m-m-my bologna. M-m-m-my bologna. M-m-m-my bologna! The Ballad Of Kent Marlowfrom "Safety Patrol" (Wonderful World Of Disney, ABC, 3-29-98)You did a really rotten thing And let Scout take all the blame. You wrecked his reputation, And left that poor boy in shame. Yeah, but now I think it's time To show who really did the crime. Kent Marlow, you're a dirty, lyin', worthless hunk of slime. Kent Marlow, you're a dirty, cheatin', Lyin', no good, lousy, stinkin', Back stabbin', scum suckin', worthless hunk of slime. Hit Me With A Rockhome tape, 1979?; parody of "Loves Me Like A Rock" by Paul SimonTake 92. When I was a little boy, (When I was just a boy) And my mother would call my name, (When I was just a boy) She'd say I had to be in the house by 7. (When I was just a boy) But I'd stay out late at night, (When I was just a boy) And when I'd finally get back in, Oh, I know she'd hit me, she'd hit me, She'd sit me on her knees and whip me. Oh, she'd hit me with a rock. She'd whip me with a rock, oh baby. She'd hit me. (Hit me with a rock) She'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me. (Hit me with a rock) And when I was grown to be a man, (Grown to be a man) The minute the boss would call my name, (Grown to be a man) And say I had to be in the office by 7. (Grown to be a man) I'm a constipated man, (Grown to be a man) And when I'd finally get back in, Oh, my boss'd hit me, he'd hit me, He'd tie me to a chair and whip me. Oh he'd hit me with a rock. He'd whip me with a rock, oh baby. He'd hit me. (Hit me with a rock) He'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me. (Hit me with a rock) When I was grown to be President, (Was the President) The minute the congress'd call my name, (Was the President) And said some papers had to be signed by Thursday. (Had to be signed by Thursday) I'd fly away to Pakistan (Was the President) And the second that I'd get back home, Oh, I know they'd hit me, they'd hit me, With leather and chains they'd whip me. Oh, they'd hit me with a rock. They'd whip me with a rock, oh baby. They'd hit me. (Hit me with a rock) They'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me. (Hit me with a rock) Hit me, hit me, hit me. (Hit me with a rock) They'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me. (Hit me with a rock) Yah yah yah yah yah yah (Hit me with a rock) (Hit with a rock) Ow! Whaddaya doin' to me? Get away from me! (Hit with a rock, oh baby) (Hit with a rock) (He's gettin' hit with a rock) (He's gettin' hit with a rock, oh baby) (Hit with a rock) ... Wait a minute, hold it! I think he's dead. Let's leave. Let's get out of here, man! Dead Car Battery Blueshome tape, 1979?One, two, a-one, two, three, four. Well I, can't go to the park, I can't go to work. I can't do nothin', I gotta stay in my house like a jerk. How come I always lose? My car has blown a fuse. Oh yeah. I got hydraulic fluid leakin' in my shoes, And the dead car battery blues. You know, can't visit my girlfriend, I can't go to school. I can't go anywhere, Gotta stay in my room like a fool. 'Cause I got grease in my hair, My Belvedere's in disrepair. Oh yeah. I got hydraulic fluid leakin' in my shoes, And the dead car battery blues. So I, went to see my mechanic, He said, "Okay, now, what is wrong?" I told him my car wouldn't start, He said, "This shouldn't take very long." So he, replaced all my plugs and my points(?) And he looked at my carburetor. He took out my engine and turned it around(?), And then seventeen hours later He looked at my headlights and said, "Son, how long have these things been on?" I told him, "Oh, about three or four weeks," He said, "Buddy, I know what's wrong! But I hate to be the one to give you the news, You got the dead car battery blues." So now I, can't go to my office, Can't work on my job. I might as well lock myself up in my room And live my life like a slob. How come I always lose? My Belvedere has blown a fuse. Oh yeah. I got hydraulic fluid leakin' in my shoes, And the dead car battery blues. Never Met A Person As Wonderful As Mehome tape, 1979?Well, I stare at myself in the mirror When I wake up every morn. And I marvel at how great I've been Since the day that I was born. I've made so many albums, I've run out of things to name 'em. My fans all want to be like me, And really, who can blame 'em? Teenage groupies all surround me, I guess I know why. No one else can match my charm, Why do they even try? All the girls in college Turned me down for other fellas. But I know why, it seems to me They're just insanely jealous. Who wouldn't be? Some people call it self-indulgence, But they just don't understand That it's hard to be too humble When you know that you're so grand. And I'm not trying to say I'm perfect, I just want you to see That I've never met a person Who's as wonderful as me. Now, I'm not arrogant or haughty, And I'm certainly not conceited. But anyone trying to match my wits Is very soon defeated. I'm a marvellous human being, I'm just one big hunk of man. Sometimes I have to marvel At how very great I am. Some people call it self-indulgence, But they just don't understand That it's hard to be too humble When you know that you're so grand. And I'm not trying to say I'm perfect, I just want you to see That I've never met a person Who's as marvellous, spectacular, Fantastic and terrific, And so very great and wonderful as me. Born to Be Mildparody of "Born To Be Wild" by Steppenwolf, written by Al & Jon IversonGet your program running Head out to the center Terminals are waiting For the data that you'll enter Everybody says that you're a nerd, but They should know that you just don't care Got your Hewlett-Packard on your belt and Vaseline in your hair Like a true mommy's child You were born, born to be mild When your batteries die You're always gonna cry. Born to be mild Pencils in your pocket Patent leather briefcase Studying your Fortran You got pimples on your face Gotta do your homework Forget about the prom dance They think that you're a big jerk 'Cause you wear a pair of flood pants Every day you wake up Your oscilloscope is humming Parties tend to break up When they find out that you're coming Crampton Comes Alivelive on The Dr. Demento Show during a food medley, 1979 (parody of "Do You Feel Like We Do" by Peter Frampton)I like bologna so much, but there's a lot of other things I like. I'd like to do a short medley of songs about food. Well, woke up this morning With a Big Mac in my hand What fries, whose fries? Where's my Hot Apple Pies? Must be a joke I can't believe there's no Coke! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Gravy On Youlive on The Dr. Demento Show during a food medley, 1979 (parody of "Crazy On You" by Heart)entered by Dave Rossi (dprossi@eden.rutgers.edu) Well, I think you're obnoxious And I think that you stink I think you're a moron, A slob, and a fink You're one of the biggest turkeys I know And that is the reason I'm going to Throw gravy on you And throw gravy on you And throw gravy, gravy on you-ou-ou-ou-ou Take Me To The Liverlive on The Dr. Demento Show during a food medley, 1979 (parody of "Take Me To The River" by Talking Heads)entered by Dave Rossi (dprossi@eden.rutgers.edu) I'd like to do some more songs about buildings and food. This is a song about liver, very high in protein, very good for ya. Hope you like it. I don't know why You feed me so bad Think of all the health food I could've had You took-a my yogurt And my whole wheat bread You give me Ding Dongs And Twinkies instead I wanna know Can you tell me? When is it going to end? Take me to the liver Push it on my platter Give me a piece of liver Oh, drop it on my platter Scarfin' it down Scarfin' it dowwwwwwwwwwwn Fatterlive on The Dr. Demento Show during a food medley, 1979 (parody of "Shattered" by The Rolling Stones)entered by Dave Rossi (dprossi@eden.rutgers.edu) Fatter, Fatter Shake 'n Bake, Fatter Shake 'n Bake, Fatter Fatter Corndogs, pizza, Coca Cola, Yogurt, butterscotch, granola Look at me. I'm Fatter. I'm Fatter. I'm Fatter. Friends all gather 'round me My enemies surround me Yelling "Fatso, Fatso, Fatso!" I've eaten at every single greasy spoon on Seventh Avenue That's right. I'm Fatter. Don't you know my weight is going up, up, up, up, up I tell you, this turkey sure is tough, tough, tough, tough, tough, tough, tough They got pizza on the west side French fries up town Corn dogs deep fried in batter I'm Fatter. Go ahead, bite the big apple Don't mind the calories Pile it on my platter I'm fatter Pile it up. Pile it high up! If I Could Make Love To A Bottlelive, circa 1980-1984. parody of "Time In A Bottle" by Jim Croceentered by Dave Rossi (dprossi@mail.webspan.net) If I could make love to a bottle The first thing that I'd like to do I'd search the world over to find one that had the exact same circumference as you Won't Eat Prunes Againdemo, 1980? parody of "Won't Get Fooled Again" by The WhoIt was just the other day When we to Joe's Cafe Just to order up a couple steaks to eat. But we noticed something wrong. All the Worcestershire was gone. But the waitress brought a different kind of treat. She said this sauce was the chef's new creation. Guaranteed, it's a new taste sensation. But she warned us it's made out of prunes. "Try a little if you dare. Nothing can compare." So we had some and now we swear We won't eat prunes again. That was such a dirty trick. Boy, it really made us sick. Well it looks like we've been done in by the prune. Still the memory lingers on. I been livin' in the john, 'Cause I've had the runs since Monday afternoon. I'd sell my soul for some new constipation. Need a cure for this new aggravation. Diarrhea has taken its toll. Still got the runs today, Just like yesterday, Buddy, that's why I'm hear to say We won't eat prunes again. Won't eat prunes again! No no! Yeah! Eat the new sauce. Same as the old sauce. Food Medley 1983-84We Got The Beef part of food medley, 1983-1984 (parody of "We Got The Beat" by Go-Go's) entered by Dave Rossi (dprossi@mail.webspan.net) Had ourselves a little barbeque Corn on the cob and mashed potatoes too Joe got the Fritos, Ernie got the stew So what did you bring? We got the beef We got the beef We got the beef Yeah! We got it (We got the beef) Now, everybody get on your feet (We got the beef) Grab a hunk of your favorite meat (We got the beef) Chuck steak, and now (We got the beef) Ground round by the pound We got the beef (We got the beef) We got the beef (We got the beef. We got the beef) We got the beef (We got the beef. We got the) We got the beef Flatbush Avenue part of food medley, 1983-1984 (parody of "Electric Avenue" by Eddy Grant) entered by Dave Rossi (dprossi@mail.webspan.net) Oy! Oy! Down on the street they got bagels. And there's a sale on cream cheese and lox. Nosh on some blintzes and bratwurst. Not in the mood for Jack-In-The-Box Oy vey! We gonna schlepp on through to Flatbush Avenue Kielbasa and chopped liver We gonna schlepp on through to Flatbush Avenue Or maybe they'll deliver Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut part of food medley, 1984 (parody of "Suddenly Last Summer" by The Motels) entered by Dave Rossi (dprossi@mail.webspan.net) Sometimes you feel like a nut Sometimes you don't Peter Paul Almond Joy's got nuts Mounds don't Take The L Out Of Liver part of food medley, 1984 (parody of "Take The L." by The Motels) entered by Dave Rossi (dprossi@mail.webspan.net) Take the L out of liver And it's iver A Matter of Crust occasionally part of food medley (parody of "Matter Of Trust" by Billy Joel) submitted by Mike "Stoots" Stutz (dstutz@sparc.isl.net) Some bread, you can get bargain-priced. And every loaf you buy begins with a singular slice. But you know it will go stale again... Always does, its just a question of "when?" I've lived long enough to have learned The longer it stays in the toaster, the more it gets burned... But that can't happen to us. Because it's always been a matter of crust! Green Eggs and Hamperformed in the food medley since 1994 as sung live on August 23, 1994 in Danbury, CT (parody of "Numb" by U2 and _Green Eggs and Ham_ by Dr. Seuss)entered by Dave Rossi (dprossi@eden.rutgers.edu) I do not like Green Eggs and Ham I do not like them. Sam, I am. I do not like them here or there. I do not like them anywhere. I do not like them in a boat. I would not, could not, with a goat. I will not eat them in the rain. I do not like them on a train. I do not like them in a box. I will not eat them with a fox. I do not like them in a house. I would not, could not, with a mouse. I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. I do not like them. Sam, I am. Green Eggs and Ham Green Eggs and Ham Don't like Green Eggs and Ham. Electric Razorperformed on Sabrina: The Animated Series on Sep 20, 1999sorry, no lyrics available yet PolkamonHeard on the movie Pokemon 2000From the Pokemon newsgroup: First Verse: Krabby Snubble Venonat Mankey Chansey and Zubat Slowking Ditto Butterfree Lugia and Caterpie Oddish Poliwag Goldeen Elekid and Nidoqueen Victreebel and Magneton Everybody Polkamon Second Verse: Aerodactyl Seel Machoke Marril Moltres and Slowpoke Articuno Ditto Muk Flareon an' ol' Psyduck Cloyster Kingler Shellder Gloom Snorlax and of course Vileplume Zapdos and Charmeleon Everybody Polkamon! Middle: It's time to polka For Ponyta and Pidgey too Come on put on your lederhosen And try not to step on little Pikachu You better grab yourself a partner Like Tentacool or Bulbasaur (Bulbasaur) Hold on a minute There's still at least a hundred and TWENTY-SEVEN more Last Verse: Including Ladyba and Omastar Jynx Bellossum and Magmar Geodude and Arcanine Jigglypuff and Mr. Mime Don't forget about Sandslash Exeggcute and Rapidash Lickitung and Porygon Everybody Polkamon! EVERYBODY POLKAMON! *_EVERYBODY_POLKAMON!_* Free DeliveryHere's something for all of us missing Touring With Scissors! (courtesy of www.yankovic.org) Free Delivery ------------- (parody of "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion) Late at night, you're hungry You're craving some pizza Let me be the one that you call Olive or anchovy Perhaps pepperoni Anything you want, we've got it all Near, far, I'll jump in my car You just call in your order and I'm gone You know, we hand toss our dough Just tell me what you want and the toppings will go on and on Deep dish, whatever you wish Even get two for one with a coupon You must try our special crust But just don't eat too fast or your heartburn will go on and on You Light Up My LifeYou Light Up My Life -Artist: Debby Boone -the # 1 song of the 1970-1979 rock era -was # 1 for 10 weeks in 1977 -Words and Music by Joe Brooks Weird Al sung the song like it was a punk song. So many nights I'd sit by my window Waiting for someone to sing me his song So many dreams I kept deep inside me Alone in the dark but now you've come along CHORUS And you light up my life You give me hope to carry on You light up my days and fill my nights with song Rollin' at sea, adrift on the water Could it be finally I'm turnin' for home? Finally a chance to say "Hey, I love you" Never again to be all alone CHORUS 'cause you, you light up my life You give me hope to carry on You light up my days and fill my nights with song It can't be wrong When it feels so right 'cause you…..you light up my life Homer and MargeAs seen on The Simpsons, airing 4/13/2003Little ditty 'bout Homer and Marge, her heart was as big as his stomach was large. Oh yea, they say life goes on, long after the grilled cheese sandwich is gone. That's the story of Homer and Marge, two folks I helped out for a nominal charge. After Homer went gay, they patched up their schizsm, but the dude never dealt with his alcoholism. Weird Al sayin'...oh yea, the credits go on, long after the viewers interest is gone. Oh yea, Weird Al had fun on this show, even if it was just a brief cameo. Party at the Leper ColonyNow on "Poodle Hat" CD[this song premiered at the Orange County Fair on July 22, 2002] Thanks to Megan for translating the lyrics Finger food and an ice-cold keg It won't cost you an arm and a leg Dance all night to a rocking band Come on people let's give them a hand Saturday night it's the place to be Everybody cut footloose with me At the party at the leper colony. HEY! I met a little lady so pretty and young She was quite a talker till the cat got her tongue She oozed up beside me, I turned on my charm And pretty soon she was completely disarmed I said girl now don't fall to pieces on me But she cried her eyes out-literally! At the party at the leper colony. Yeah the party at the leper colony. HEY! HEY! Hey now buddy, don't you give me no lip Sorry I was using your head for a dip Well there's a guy in the hot tub, I don't know who Wait a minute, it looks like Stu Well hold the phone now, what do I see Another pretty momma got her eye on me At the party at the leper colony! At the party at the leper colony! Well, the party at the leper colony, (Party at the leper colony) Party at the leper colony (Party at the leper colony) Well there's a party at the leper colony-eeee Party at the leper colony. HEY! AvocadoParody of "Despardo" by The Eagles.Avocado What makes you think you're so holy You're gonna be guacamole before too long Oh, you're a green one You know that you're out of season You'd better let somebody eat you Let somebody eat you Ya better let somebody eat you Before it's too late Burger KingParody of "Sister Christian" by Night RangerBurger King What's the price for fries I'll take the jumbo size I need fast food tonight DoctorParody of "Doctor Doctor" by the Thompson TwinsWoah, 'cause he's my doctor (doctor) And his name is Bernie (Bernie) Oh, doctor (doctor) I'm feelin' pretty dismal Doctor (doctor) And his name is Bernie (Bernie) Oh, doctor (doctor) Where's my Pepto Bismol Don't You Forget About MeatParody of "Don't You Forget About Me" by Simple MindsHey, ooh, oh One rule you all should obey Eat from the four basic food groups everyday Have bread, and vegetables too Some dairy products, but whatever you do Don't you forget about meat Don't, don't, don't, don't Don't you forget about meat Dr. Demento's 15th Anniversary SpecialIn the year of 1970 Underneath the old smogberry tree First was heard a man that we all know The one and only Dr. Demento Nixon, Ford, and Carter, Reagan too Remember all they did and didn't do Through it all, one consistency Spending once a week with Dr. D So wind your radios way up tight Raise your glasses high tonight Like wine, his spirit has fermented So here's to him, the one who stays demented Changes come, seasons pass Like Alice through the looking glass He shares a world of madness that we cheer For fifteen roly poly years. So wind your radios way up tight Raise your glasses high tonight Like wine, his spirit has fermented So here's to him, the one who stays demented Don't forget to stay demented Everybody sing He has a very friendly, fuzzy face And nobody could ever take his place His fans around the globe will never dwindle 'Cause he fits so many records on his spindle Stacks of laughing wax from floor to ceiling Well, it gives him such a warm internal feeling Whether you're Italian or Egyptian He's bound to fill your musical prescription Wind your radios way up tight Raise your glasses high tonight Like wine, his spirit has fermented So here's to him, the one who stays demented Wind your radios way up tight Raise your glasses high tonight Like wine, his spirit has fermented So here's to him, the one who stays demented In the year of 1970 Underneath the old smogberry trees First was heard a man that we all know The one and only Dr. Demento Yeah Fast FoodParody of "Thank You" by Alanis MorrissetteHow about making a run for the border How about me deserving a break today How about getting some fries with my order How about finally letting me have it my way Thank you Burger King Thank you Dairy Queen Thank you, thank you KFC Thank you Pizza Hut Thank you Taco Bell Thank you so much Wendy's Flatbush AvenueOy Oy Down on the street they got bagels And there's a sale on cream cheese and lox Nosh on some blintzes and bratwurst Not in the mood for Jack-In-The-Box Oy vey We gonna schlepp on through to Flatbush Avenue Kielbasa and chopped liver We gonna schlepp on through to Flatbush Avenue Or maybe they'll deliver Make Me Steak Number ThreeParody of "Mistake Number Three" by Culture ClubThe first steak I ordered It wasn't very hot I had to send it back Let 'em have one more shot But the second steak I ordered Well it was lousy too Now I really hate to say it But there's one thing that you gotta do Make me steak number three, yeah Make me steak number three Make me steak number three, yeah, yeah, yeah Make me steak number three Matter Of Crustparody of "Matter Of Trust" by Billy JoelSome bread, you can get bargain-priced And every loaf you buy begins with a singular slice But you know it will go stale again Always does, its just a question of when I've lived long enough to have learned The longer it stays in the toaster, the more it gets burned But that can't happen to us Because it's always been a matter of crust Moldy Nowparody of "Hold Me Now" by The Thompson TwinsI had a pizza Covered with cheese I wrapped it all up in aluminum foil Stuck it back in the freeze Look at my crust now See what I mean It's getting all wrinkled And my pepperoni is hairy and green Ah, 'cause it's moldy now It got moldy fast How can I Make leftovers last, make leftovers last I was so hungry What could I do I finished the pizza And topped it all off with some mystery stew Now I feel kinda queasy Yeah, yeah, what can I say So I called my physician To wish him that he'd make a house call today Sometimes You Feel Like A Nuta parody of "Suddenly Last Summer" by The MotelsSometimes you feel like a nut Sometimes you don't Peter Paul Almond Joy's got nuts Mounds don't Take The "L" Out Of Livera parody of "Take The L" by The MotelsTake the L out of liver And it's iver We Got The Beefparody of "We Got The Beat" by The Go-GosHad ourselves a little barbeque Corn on the cob and mashed potatoes too Joe got the Fritos, Ernie got the stew So what did you bring We got the beef We got the beef We got the beef Yeah, we got it (We got the beef) Now, everybody get on your feet (we got the beef) Grab a hunk of ??? beef (we got the beef) Chuck daddy (we got the beef) Now, ground round by the pound We got the beef (we got the beef) We got the beef (we got the beef, we got the beef) We got the beef (we got the beef, we got the) We got the beef Whole Lotta Luncha parody of "Whole Lotta Love" by Led ZeppelinWanna whole lotta lunch Wanna whole lotta lunch Wanna whole lotta lunch Wanna whole lotta lunch Way down inside Woman, you need Lunch You're Pitifula parody of "You're Beautiful" by James BluntMy life is brilliant What, was I too early? Oh, sorry... Should I - do you wanna start over, or... Keep going? Okay... now? Now? My life is brilliant Your life's a joke You're just pathetic You're always broke Your homemade Star Trek uniform Really ain't impressin' me You're sufferin' from delusions of Adequacy You're pitiful You're pitiful You're pitiful, it's true Never had a date That you couldn't inflate And you smell repulsive too What a bummer bein' you Well, you just can't dance And forget romance Everybody you know still calls you... Farty-Pants But you'll always have a job - well, I mean... As long as you still can work that Slurpee machine You're pitiful You're pitiful You're pitiful, it's true You're half-undressed Eatin' chips off your chest While youre playin' Halo 2 No one's classier than you La la la la, la la la la La la la la loser You're pitiful You're pitiful You're pitiful, it's true Your dog would much rather play fetch by itself You still live with your mom and you're 42 Guess you'll never grow a clue Well, it just sucks to be you |
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