Symptoms of Al Fan Syndrome (in no particular order)

1. A messy house. Being an Al fan requires you to have at least one messy area in your home, whether it's the pile of clothes/towels obscuring the "Patterns" in your bathroom, or not cleaning out appliances so you can have something "Livin in the Fridge".

2. Insomnia. Being an Al fan also requires that at least once per year, you have an insomniatic fit and spend three or more hours chatting with other Al fans or posting at a club during the wee hours of the morning.

3. Normality. All the cool people I've ever met consider themselves, to some extent, weird. Since weirdness is now normal, all Al fans are now considered normal. If you like Prince, well, that's just weird. ;)

4. A sense of humor. You must be able to comprehend the inherent humor in Al's many works, otherwise, well, what's the point? If you're gonna whine about how Al desecrated a song *polish polish* maybe you *polish* just shouldn't *polish* listen *polish* to *polish* him anymore. *polish polish* *ooo, look how SHINY!* *polish polish*

5. Coolness. Since those concert halls can reach temperatures up to and including "hot enough to fry an egg on your tummy" coolness is imperative.

6. A sense of proportion. Al is one of the most important beings on the planet, and Al fans recognise this. A world without Al would be chaos.

7. Dignity (or lack thereof). It is perfectly acceptable to a true Al fan to don Tshirts, pants, shoes, hats, scarves, underwear, bandanas, socks, leggings, shorts, short shorts, short short shorts, jackets, windbreakers, coats, sweaters, sweatshirts, leg warmers, headbands, spandex, or any combination of the above in preparation for an Al concert as long as the apparel (a) is brightly colored/Hawaiian or (b) contains Al's image, name, or any reference to him (c) same goes for any of the band (d) is autographed (e) is your own personal tribute to the wonder that is Al (f) or the band (g) or the road crew (h) or any of the crew (i) or any of their families...you get the point.

8. Knowledge of Al. While it is perfectly possible for an Al fan to retain his/her “unknowledge” of Al, and not be sucked into the quagmire that is called “Knowing Everything About Al down to the Shape of his Big Toe”, this practice is not recommended as it becomes hard to relate to other Al fans. And no matter how hard they try, they’ll end up knowing something about Al that they don’t know about their best friend. Like his pants size. Or his exact time, date, and place of birth.

9. Common Language. True Al fans have absorbed so many lyrics that when you mention certain words, you elicit certain reactions. “They’re all over me” will elicit explicit scenes in their minds of a writhing Al in a fishnet shirt, and will evoke in their minds the music of the particular song those lyrics are in. And then they might begin to sing. (If you want the best reaction, go for lyrics from Albuquerque. The really hard core fans can chant/sing it word for word, vocal effect to vocal effect, scream to whisper.)

10. Acronym Knowledge. A true fan correspondence will be littered with words and phrases such as SNTMSWAM, OMM, DTBS, WAY, and the perennial favorite, IAATP. True fans can decipher meaning out of these random letters strung together. RWS, TWS and TWS can be extremely confusing for any newbie I’ve ever seen. You’ve got white out all over your screen... Sorry. Must have slipped into Al Fan mode. Where was I? Ah yes...

11. Cash (or lack of it due to AFS). Cash is good only to buy the necessities in life: food, shelter and Al stuff. Fans are often witnessed at Ebay, bidding desperately to acquire pins, rare discs, posters, videos, books and other related Al memoribilia. Fans of this type may find that they need to get raises to help pay off their massive online shopping debts.

12. Numerology. Al’s fans will most often make reference to the best number in the whole set: 42. No, wait, that’s the meaning of life...ah, here it is. 27. 9 times 3, 3 times 9...um...did I say 9 times 3? This number is seen adorning screen names, web page names, jackets, shirts, shorts (for a more detailed list of apparel see above) and, in extreme cases, fan bodies.

13. Excessiveness. Al’s fans sometimes get excessive while trying to be humorous. Such examples include serial fanfics, repetitive art and lists. *rereads entry* Proves the point right there, doesn’t it?

14. Sanity (or lack thereof). While an Al fan can remain sane, the practice is not recommended. Being an Al fan is so much easier once you just let that little voice of reason go. (Of course, without the voice of reason, a fan might babble about Al until the listener either joins them in insanity or explodes. Watch out for this, as bodily fluids tend to stain most carpets.)

15. Love. Al fans love Al, and they love anything about Al, and everything relating to Al in a positive fashion. For example, other fans. These fans tend to fall into online fan groups and clubs and share with each other the wonders of Al, and how good it is to be nice to everyone.

16. Worship. For some fans, Al becomes an object to be worshipped. Most of it is quite harmless, as it is hero worship. Al provides his fans with someone to look up to, and boy, do they EVER look up to him! Some fans pretend that Al is perfect in every way. Others firmly believe that Al is perfect in every way. Still others find a few flaws, but would still rate him at a 95% perfection level. Still others know perfectly well that he’s only human, and to err is human, but gosh, the man just doesn’t seem to err! No matter which group an Al fan belongs to, Al is a man to be admired.

Megan *WAY too much free time on my hands*

Symptoms of Al Fan Syndrome (in no particular order)

1. A messy house. (Hey, when my room gets unliveable, it gets cleaned.)

2. Insomnia. (not really. I get my sleep. However, on weekend nights, I stay up till about 2 or 3 a.m. IMing my pal in Pittsburgh cuz he has the crappy midnight shift at his job, and he's online, and I manage to keep him company.)

3. Normality. (Well, what do YOU think? Do you guys think I'm normal? Or abnormal? I'm just palin WEIRD!!!)

4. A sense of humor. (I believe I have a pretty good sense of humor!)

5. Coolness. (puh-leeeeze. I'm the coolest person I know!)

6. A sense of proportion. (uh...Al's not THAT fat during the "Fat" number...LOL)

7. Dignity (or lack thereof). It is perfectly acceptable to a true Al fan to don Tshirts, pants, shoes... (well, currently I am wearing multi-colored striped toe socks with blue and white Hawaiian print shoes, black pants and a brightly-colored tie-dye tank top)

8. Knowledge of Al. (puh-leeeeeze. marty, bermuda and "happy steve" won't let me play You Don't Know Al anymore because I had a high score and they ran out of questions to ask me!)

9. Common Language. True Al fans have absorbed so many lyrics that when you mention certain words, you elicit certain reactions LOL!! (I freak out whenever I see the number 27, and some other stuff, too, like the movie "Porky's" just makes me laugh only cuz it's mentioned in "Cable TV")

10. Acronym Knowledge. A true fan correspondence will be littered with words and phrases such as SNTMSWAM -- AH My favorite!-- (like OMA! and othe stuff)

11. Cash (or lack of it due to AFS). Cash is good only to buy the necessities in life: food, shelter and Al stuff (at least I LIKE my job at Spencer's...)

12. Numerology (the number 27...it follows me everywhere!!! AAAAUUUGH!!!)

13. Excessiveness. Al's fans sometimes get excessive while trying to be humorous. Such examples include serial fanfics, repetitive art and lists. *rereads entry* Proves the point right there, doesn't it? LOL!! (that's me!)

14. Sanity (or lack thereof). (stomp your hands. clap your feet, us Weird Al fans can't be beat!)

15. Love. Al fans love Al, and they love anything about Al, and everything relating to Al in a positive fashion. For example, other fans. These fans tend to fall into online fan groups and clubs and share with each other the wonders of Al, and how good it is to be nice to everyone. AMEN!! CHECK (WORD!!)

16. Worship - Al is a man to be admired.-- CHECK!! (I fully agree with this one! Al is my HERO!!!)

--Holly

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