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TV Died-Wednesday Night

6:00 PM

ZBS Dudes--News
MBC Lewds--News
Wolf Stews--News
American Banned Stand--Music
XYZ Zoos--News
The X-Men Eliminate The Spice Girls--Violent Cartoon
Movie--Adventure
tonight on "Tarzan vs. The Kung-Fu Chickens From Outer Space", Alien samurai chickens take over a small town in Idaho, unaware that the mayor is in cahoots with Tarzan's accountant. Tarzan confronts the invaders and talks to them sternly. Unable to figure out the plot, the entire cast and crew quit in disgust, leaving the producer with a turkey that only Channel 9 would dare air.
What is Snow?--Documentary
An in depth look at the white stuff that falls every winter.
VideoGame Sportsworld!--Game
See the vidiots compete in the classic "Colecovision Super Action Baseball Championships".
Who's The Boss On First?--Comedy
Wednesday Night Football--Sports
Frank Gifford and Don Meredith engage in a frisbee throwing game utilizing Howard Cosell's toupee as the object.
The Brady Bunch--Comedy
Jan gets so mad at Marcia's college success that she gets out the scissors and chops off all her hair. Marcia couldn't understand why Jan would do that to herself, but Jan becomes the new-wave punk queen sensation and makes all the students forget about sweet Marcia at long last.

6:30 PM

Let Us Bring It Back Alive!--Comedy
Married With All My Children--Comedy Soap
The new smash hit comedy starring veteran stars Ed O'Neill, Susan Lucci, and Amanda Bearse.
Buy Youself a Smoke!--Game
How To Pack a Gasket--Instructional
Bowling For TV Dinners--Sports
Diffren't Strokes--Comedy
Gary Coleman adopts Emmanuel Lewis.
The Brady Bunch--Comedy
Mike encourages Bobby to try out for the Pac-Man videogame championship, but before Bobby was to take on the champions, some of his opponents loosened up his joystick on his game console, ensuring defeat.

7:00 PM

60/60--Magazine
Name That Prune--Game
Beverly Hills 90210--Middle-Age Teen Serial
Dylan drops out of 90210 land and winds up getting himself and Joey drunk on Blossom.
Flatman and Ribbin--Adventure
Wheel Of Fortune: 2030AD--Game
Vanna White is still changing letters, but uses a wheelchair, but her hearing aid fails critically and she misunderstands the elderly Pat Sajak's slurred speech and she accidentally exposes the wrong letters, ruining the game for everybody.
Let's Make an Eel--Game
Wheel of Fish--Game
It's a Ripoff!--Discussion
The U.S. buying Alaska from Russia for $7,200,000 is discussed.
Guitarzan--Comedy
An adventure comedy starring Ray Stevens as a middle-aged jungle man who plays a song with his guitar in every show.
Mork and Robin Williams-Comedy
The Brady Bunch--Comedy
Carol's bratty niece drops by for a visit and turns the Brady girls green in anger when she causes trouble for the Brady boys as she dates all three of them simultaneously not knowing that they're all competeting for the same girl. Heather Locklear guests as niece Sammy Jo Walker.

7:30 PM

Win, Lose, Or Die!--Game Show
Unusual hybrid of Charades and Target Practice where contestants try to improve their visual communication skills while a crossbow is leveled at their backs. (thanks to John Giudice)
Webitched--Comedy
This Show Is Jeopardy...Baby...Oooooooooh!--Game
The new game show hosted by Greg Kihn.
The Hollywood Cubes--Game
The MacNeal/Farrah Report--News
WHL Hockey--Sports
The Boston Bruins take on The Party of Five
What If...--Discussion
See how history would be changed if the cast of 90210 really were teenagers instead of 30-something actors too old for the parts.
John and Marsha--Comedy
A love sitcom where only the words "John" and "Marsha" are spoken.
Growing Danes-Comedy
Batman--Adventure
The caped crusader and his boy wonder come out and admit that they both are in love...with Ellen DeGeneres.
The Brady Bunch--Comedy
The show enters its sixth season when they adopt David Tanny at the end of the fifth season. HEY, who put that one in?!?
It Really Sucks!--Magazine
Young puppies feeding on mother dog's milk, history of Hoover vacuum cleaners, and anteaters.

8:00 PM

Nanny and The Nanny--Comedy Duel
Fran Drescher has a duel with Juliet Mills over the prized job of working for The Professor (Russell Johnson)
Mad About Susan--Comedy
The Crying Nun--Comedy?
Sin City--Comedy
Dawson's Creeps--Horror Teen Drama
The spooky teens from The Addams Family and The Munsters meet when their families move next door to each other.
Movie of the Week--Drama
A "James at 16 Reunion" finds James, now 61, battling Congress for Social Security payments after the U.S. Government goes broke.
Sorry, Wrong Number--Comedy
Alexander Graham Bell invents the telephone, but when he tries to call Dr. Watson on the phone, he keeps getting the message "Deposit 5 cents please".
Real Incredible People--Magazine
Another One Rides The Bus--Comedy
Is about a bus driver who encounters a host of weird characters as customers he picks up and drops off along his bus route.
Born in East LA--Comedy Adventure
Stars Cheech Marin who is deported to a different country every week and he makes his trek back to East LA.
It's Puberty, Charlie Brown--Cartoon
At 13, Charlie begins to grow things, except the one thing that matters the most. Good grief!
Happy Days--Comedy
It's Now 1984, and it's the breakdancing craze that's further eroded the integrity of the too-long-running series. The middle-age men try to regain their youth as Potsie and a balding Richie try the Miami Vice look with embarrassing results, and Joanie nearing 40 tries the Flashdance ripped-shirt look and gets arrested for impersonating Jennifer Beals at an uninordinate age.
The T&A Team--Adventure
Hannibal, Barracus and the Baywatch Babes do battle with the infamous Macarena dancers in a rescue attempt from the cannibalization of America with their annoying dance craze.
Little House on the Prarie--Drama
Laura and Nellie get into a dirty mud fight over a pre-puberscent runt David Tanny. Nobody knew why anyone would fight over him...until it's discovered that he's a rich heir to the Beverly Hillbillies family!
Eight is Enough--Dramedy
the girls from "The Facts of Life" are substituted for the Bradford girls, but nobody noitces until they notice that one of their children was discovered dating Richard Pryor.
Little Cave on the Prarie--Drama

8:30 PM

The Nanny--Comedy
The family is in shock when they discover that Fran Fine was once Larry Fine.
Just Shoot Friends--Comedy
That's A Girl?--Comedy
Dharma and Greg--Comedy
Dharma explains to Greg how her mother came up with the stupid name "Dharma" Thanks to Donald Kapica.
My Bologna--Comedy
The former Oscar Meyer kid grows up and becomes the head of a meat shop.
Garfield special--Cartoon
Nermal the cutest kitten is found murdered and Garfield is the suspect as he is pursued by the California Highway Patrol while driving a White Ford Bronco down I-405.
Head of the Bass-Comedy
Real Numbers--Lecture

9:00 PM

Third Rock In My Shoe--Comedy
Dick strikes up a friendship with his blue-collar neighbor who works for Nike. Guest Star Imelda Marcos. Thanks to Donald Kapica.
Party of Five--Drama
Charlie and Julia find out the truth that their parents never really died after all...they really plotted to leave the children in favor of working as roadies for The Rolling Stones.
Doom 222--Sitcom
The Draw Carey Show--Game
Pictionary guests try to draw pictures of Mariah Carey, Drew Carey, Harry Carey, Jim Carey and Carey Grant. Thanks to Donald Kapica.
Sole Food--Drama
An inner city family, whose food stamps ran out, are forced to go fishing in Lake Michigan for dinner every day until the next welfare payment comes in.
Dharmed--Drama
Shannen Doherty, Alyssa Milano, and Holly Marie Combs cast spells that turn women into Jenna Elfman.
Star Trek: Voyager--Space Adventure
The crew go where no man has really gone before: inside the brain of David Tanny!
PSB Wednesday Night Movie--History
In the movie "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Little Big Horn", General Geroge Custer leads his troops against Sitting Bull. Custer loses the battle, his men, and his hair...all the way to his eyebrows! Score one for the Indians!
Celebrity Spelling Bee--Game
see Suzanne Somers murder the word "Zygomorphic", laugh as Teri Copley stumbles over the word "Phlegm", and Pamela Lee tries to spell "CPR". Chuck Barris hosts.
Frank's 2000-Inch TV--Comedy
About a businessman's wild idea to build a giant TV set on a hill-top so everybody can watch what he's watching.
Fish Heads--Comedy
A sitcom about a pair of CEOs of a tuna cannery.
Buried...With Children-Comedy
Touched by a Charlie's Angel--Sexy Crime Drama
Kate, Jaclyn and Farrah appear as guest spirits. Roma Downey battles them all.
Window Washing Championships--Sports
Tonight's contest had to be repeated since the judges had difficulty in selecting a clear winner the first time around!
China Beach--Drama
McMurphy has a "Beach Party" with Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon. The Beach Boys also guest.
Eight is Enough--Dramedy
Tommy gets beaten up by the high school bullies, but then he eats a can of spinach and finishes them off!
Ed Sullystone--Variety

9:30 PM

SnoozeRadio--Comedy
The Bald Couple--Comedy
Whose Line Is It Anyway? -- Comedy
None of the actors remember what to say.
Margot Kidder: A Nightmare Descent Into Booze & Pills--True Hollywood Tale
You Don't Love Me Anymore--Comedy
A divorce comedy featuring the poor ex-husband whose nasty ex-wife schemes to corrupt him.
Shaving Cream--Comedy
About peace officers who work in New York citing pet owners for failing to clean up after their pets.
Night Court--Comedy
After going through 24 cans of beer, Judge Harry Stone throws out the case.
Celebrity X-Rays--Comedy

10:00 PM

Chicago Mope--Drama
A series about depressed doctors whose moping drives their patients to "ER".
Law and Odor--Crime Drama
Blood hounds solve cases while lawyers have extra marital affairs. Thanks to Donald Kapica.
Melrose Place--Drama
The gay guy finally finds the man of his dreams, but he is shocked that when he tries to make love to him, he discovers that his boyfriend doesn't have the right equipment!
Been Lazy--Medical Drama?
NYPD Blows--Crime Drama
Andy flips out and holds Simone and Russell hostage until they agree to get married. Thanks to Rik Anthony for that one.
Unhappily Ever After--Comedy
Nikki gets into a mud fight with Kelly Bundy for the title of supreme prime-time ingenue.
Movie--Drama
"Leona: Head Of The Crass!" stars as the New York real estate queen who tries to run a hotel empire with an iron fist and creative accounting practices, but her high-and-mighty manner rubs the little people and the IRS the wrong way, but your laughs are guaranteed when you check in.
Star Drek: Annexed Variation--Science Fiction Space Opera
Georgie's vision vastly improves when he discovers he's been wearing a Fram oil filter all along. (thanks to John Giudice)
MBA Basketball--Sports
The Los Angeles Lakers vs. Men Behaving Badly.
Movie--Comedy
"Body of Nudity." Janet Jackson.
Nature Trail To Hell--Horror
An anthology series featuring horror stories so real, you'll throw up your dinner.
Pico and Sepulveda--Drama
A weekly serial with back-stabbing characters more demented and villianous than those found on "Melrose Place"
A Hearse is a Hearse--Comedy
The two morticians get drunk and forget about a body in their hearse, which has to be embalmed.
Hill Street Blues--Crime Drama
A superb series, great production, excellent writing, good-looking actors, dynamite hard-hitting plots, and winner of over 2,452 Emmys!
World Heavyweight Boxing--Sports
Larry Holmes defends his WBC crown against an opponent from the grave: a corpse (LIVE?, No, Dead, of Corpse!)
Dynasty--Serial
Alexis teams up with J.R. Ewing and scheme to turn Blake's oil empire belly-up. Krystle finds out that eight of her former husbands' divorce papers were never filed. Steve returns home, this time, going straight...that's because he became a she. Kirby and Sammy Jo get into a mud-wrestling match. Fallon is outraged when she sees her husband Jeff in a nude centerfold in Playgirl.
Eight is Enough--Dramedy
President Ford shows up at the Bradford home, and falls all over the house. Alert secret service agents, seize the house, and wrestled it to the ground!
News Before It Happens--News
The other networks won't like this one.
Dean Martstone--Variety
Michael Jackson's Videos--Music
Tonight on Michael Jackson's video "Beat Me", he is subjected to bizarre punishment by the kids from Sesame Street. Dr. Joyce Brothers guest stars.

10:30 PM

Friendz 'N Da Hood--Comedy
The Wayans Sisters--Comedy???
More no talent family members prove that synepitism is alive and well in Studio City, CA. Thanks to Donald Kapica.
Three's Enough--Comedy
Larry finally gets himself into bed and seduces himself.

11:00 PM

News--News
Peyrose Place--Serial
The Pensioner--Fantasy Adventure Thingy
DEBUT: Former secret agent (Patrick McGonaglehan) moves to a quaint retirement village but finds he cannot receive benefits because his Social Security number has been changed to a single digit. In the opener, he is knocked off his pennyfarthing bicycle by rogue weather balloons and can't get up. (thanks to John Giudice)
Masterdud Theater--Performing Arts?
Under Scrutiny With Whimsical Will--Demented News
A news show where he spends 30 minutes with one demented topic expanded as if it really needed to.
Ellen Comes Out--Comedy
Each week, Ellen DeGeneres comes out of the closet to get high ratings.
International Thumb Wrestling--Sports
Saint Nowhere--Drama
Patients go nowhere but dead fast when the Elsewhere hospital refuses to accept any more patients.
Jerry Springer--Full-Contact Discussion
Topic: "My Son Wants To Be A Brady Bunch Member!"
Eight is Enough--Dramedy
Tommy gets a new-wave spike cut and emulates the punk star Billy Idol as he transforms his band into acid punk. Tom blows up and orders Tommy to either shape up or move out. Tommy leaves, but meets real life punker Billy Idol, who moves in to Tom's place. Tom, thinking Idol's his son, tells him that he has a change of heart and asks him to move in. Tommy has to figure out how to fix this!
When Bloodthirsty Animals Attack--Horror Reality
Rare footage of sharks, bears and lions devouring helpless humans.
Stone Age News--News
Aunt Beevis and Butthead--Crude Comedy

11:30 PM

Movie--Comedy
"The Three Stooges Go To Studio 54"
Arsenio Wall--Variety
Dick Clark's Rockin' Rosh Hashanah--Music
Movie--Comedy
"Abbott and Costello Meet Laurel and Hardy"
Samarai Delacatessen--Comedy
The Midnight Star--Tabloid News
A nightly tabloid show produced by the friends of "Weird Al"
The Arrogant Worms--Comedy
Johnny Carstone--Talk

12:00 MID

Politically Incorrect--Discussion
Scheduled: Dick Cavett, Rick Dees, Pat Sajak, and some other late-night talk show loser to Carson join Bill Maher in a discussion of the day's events.
History Channel Presents: "Deja Vu Revisited"--Documentary
Rerun again Thanks to Rik Anthony for that one.
The Weird Al Show--Children
Midnight With Wildman Fisher--Variety
A 60 minute variety-comedy talk show where he sings a popular song acapello every night.
Full Contact Miniature Golf--Sports
Mick Cavett and Dick Jagger--Talk and Roll
The talker and the rocker's genes are spliced!

12:30 AM

Late Night With David Slateman--Talk

0:00 AM

0:30 AM

1:00 AM

When America's Funniest Police Crashes Strike Wild Animals--News Footage
Hilarious Home video of Road kill on streets and highways of rural America.. Sponsored by Shake & Bake. (60 Minutes) Thanks to Rik Anthony for that one.
Yick Cavett--Gross Talk
Funny Videos--Music

1:30 AM

Movie--Comedy
"The Three Stooges Go To Mars"
Movie--Comedy
"Abbott and Costello Go To Las Vegas"

2:00 AM

Models Stink--Ingenue Sex Drama
Tori Spelling butts into every scene and makes the models angry.
Bad Movies All Night!--Til Dawn, We Hope
Late Night Gardening--Live

2:30 AM

3:00 AM

America's Scariest Medical Infections--Medical Thriller
Videos of the worst infections ever seen, as submitted by doctors.

3:30 AM

Movie--Comedy
"The Three Stooges Play With the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders"
Movie--Comedy
"Abbott and Costello Watch Johnny Carson"

4:00 AM

4:30 AM

5:00 AM

5:30 AM

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