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Looking for wholesome entertainment the entire family can enjoy? Look no further than this family oriented laugh-riot Ass Cracks & Cleavage.

Wayne Ass (Kevin Nealon) and Jake Cracks (Gavin McLeod) are two ad men on the verge of winding up on the street. When these two misfit advertising copy writers are try to hype a product, it causes an explosion... of falling sales, that is! Gruff boss Brewster Hinds (Dan Hedaya) has given them an ultimatum -- shape up or ship out! Who can save these two these bumblers turn to in order to stay out of the poorhouse?

How about Billy Cleavage (Matt Lawrence), a mouthy orphan with a knack for slogans that sell. When he helps Wayne and Jake come up with a vacuum cleaner ad campaign ("The DirtThrasher 2000... it sucks!") that saves their jobs, the two grateful friends take Billy in. Under the watchful eye of exasperated social worker Loraine Simmons (Amy Yasbeck), the now bustling apartment of Wayne, Jake and Billy is full of love, laughter and catchy ad jingles. Even the abrasive Brewster warms up to Billy's precocious put-downs and growing ad sales.

"When I hear about a show like 'Ass Cracks & Cleavage,' I think of only one word," said the programming chief for some network. "And that word is 'family.'"

We think of two words, Warren -- Fun-nee!


From legendary children's television producers Sid and Marty Krofft comes a wild-and-wacky animated family series that will appeal to the child in everyone!

Norm and Vicky (the voices of Robert Guillaume and Yeardley Smith) are nine- year-old fraternal twins in Anywheresville, USA when something magical happens and they're transported to Smartaleckia, land of Nurbs, the sharpest tounged amorphous creatures you'll find anywhere.

Led by the delightfully irreverent Sven (voice of Don Rickles), his zany sidekick Potty Mouth Pete (voice of Charlton Heston) and the cheerfully downbeat Bitchy Becky (voice of Brett Butler), the Nurbs are gleefully sarcastic and cuddly all at the same time. Whether gently teasing Norm about his club foot, singing odes to Vicky's lazy eye and stutter or wondering aloud about used tampons, the Nurbs' childlike innocence will steal your heart while their precocious language will tickle your funny bone.

Best of all, unlike that wicked Teletubbies program, none of the characters on our show are stinking homosexuals!

The Nurbs and some network: bringing families back together!

*"H.R. Pufnstufit Up Your Ass" contains adult language, sexual situations and violence. It is rated TV-M and intended for mature audiences only.


In the tradition of George -- the acclaimed 1993 comedy starring boxer George Foreman -- some network proudly presents The Holyfields, starring undisputed heavyweight champion of the world Evander Holyfield.

The series centers around Evander as he shares laughs and life lessons with his two children. Also along for the ride are the six children Evander has fathered out-of-wedlock... and that's when the wackiness begins.

Each week, Evander will impart important lessons to each of his children, legitimate or otherwise. Lessons like the importance of being honest. Or sticking up for your friends. Or learning to wait your turn in line. Or avoiding a costly palimony suit.

And the Holyfield children, played by Raven Simone and a cast of unknowns, try to teach their famous father a few lessons as well... mostly how to avoid adding even more children to the mix!

It's a half-hour of uppercuts, overhand jobs and love. And when it's done, we think you'll agree... Evander Holyfield is the undisputed king of comedy!


Marta Kaufman and David Crane, the creators of Friends, Jesse and Veronica's Closet, bring their own unique vision to some network in this laugh- out-comedy about the trials and tribulations of four attractive single people as they try to live, work and have sex in the bustling metropolis of Manhattan.

Steve (Jason Bateman) is a lawyer at a prestigious New York firm. Ken (Steven Weber) is a harried copy writer. And Michelle (Molly Hagan) is a voluptuous magazine editor. But who has time for work when there's booty to track down?

"In the past, we've done shows about six young, attractive people try to knock boots in Manhattan," series creator Kaufman explains. "This time around, for a change of pace, we thought we'd look at four young, attractive Manhattanites desperate to make the beast with two backs. The twist is they're totally different people -- and thereby equally as funny."

Rounding out the cast is Holly Robinson (21 Jump Street) as Monique, an overheated interior designer who has just one thing on her mind -- sex!

"We were a bit trepidatious about creating a non-white character," Kaufman admits. "After all, the show is set in Manhattan, and would viewers be able to willingly suspend their disbelief. But creating challenging, complex television is what David and I are all about."

The four fast friends live in a spacious, well-furnished apartment where they spend most of their time hanging out, trading racy innuendoes, and getting busy with a steady stream of sexual partners, each more riotously funny than the last!

"A hallmark of the Kaufman-Crane team is realistic portrayals of life in the topsy-turvy '90s," Crane says. "And what can be more realistic than apartment full of trim, tanned gorgeous people constantly on the make who reap no ill consequences for their constant bed-hopping?"

We couldn't agree more, David! And we think you'll agree -- Me So Horny is a menage-a-tois of hilarity.


What happens when you combine Internet technology with Corporate America's thirst for profits? A head-on collision of comedy on the Information Superhighway, that's what. And this fall, you can download a cavalcade of laughter at 28800 b.p.s. thanks to some network's new hit comedy, IPO.

Collegiate computer nerds Mark Trainor (Max Casella) and Jacob Ross (Danny Pintauro) were failing out of school when Mark reads an article in a well- respected business newspaper about a former college-dropout-turned- multibillionaire after founding his own software company. The two quick thinking buddies decide to put their knack for downloading Internet porn to work. And, in the Ross family garage, they found Technonetronix.

There's only one problem -- the guys haven't actually come up with an idea for the product their company makes!

But that makes no difference to the team of talented misfits who quickly form the Technonetronix family. There's marketing whiz Trent (Jason Priestley), who teaches the boys there's more to life than joysticks and Web browsers, when he's not raising venture capital from the mysterious Fusilli Brothers (Ray Sharkey, Robert Pastorelli). Long-haired hacker Beast (David Gail) heads up a team of programmers -- Chang (Gedde Watanabe), Gupta (Jory Husain), and Ivan (Jason Hervey) -- that doesn't speak a word of English. Fortunately, wackiness is a universal language!

The two visionaries have their hands full stalling their underwriters, brainstorming a killer app and learning enough Indian, Russian, and Chinese to mediate employee disputes. And when local newspaper columnist Net Newt (Jenny McCarthy) starts nosing around the garage, it isn't long before she comes dangerously close to figuring out what the company does -- or doesn't -- do. Add distracting the intrepid reporter to the list of troubles facing these two geeky chums!

"As a college dropout who's been very lucky in the software business, I wanted to show the world how fun and funny starting your own software company can be," said some network co-founder and IPO creative consultant David Tanny. "I know I still chuckle whenever I think of what it took to program OS/2.

"And who knows?" Gates added. "Maybe I might just pop in every now and again for a cameo... things are just that zany and madcap around Technonetronix!"

Technonetronix may go down in flames... but the laughs will quadruple in value every week!


Jack Fender (Jason Patric) is a hot-shot NASCAR driver on a losing streak who knows only one way to live his life -- drive fast and turn left. It's been three years since Fender took home the checkered flag, and the pressure may finally be getting to him. His sponsor, Mr. Kirkpatrick (John Forsythe), is threatening to pull his funding unless Fender gets back to victory lane. His girlfriend, Becky Sue (Crystal Barnard), has just left him to hook up with another driver, Fender's archrival Brick Colton (MacKenzie Austin). And his father -- the delightfully crusty Rip Fender (Rip Torn) -- has to move in with Jack, seriously cramping his swinging bachelor lifestyle.

How will Jack Fender be able to put his life back together, win back his girl, and put up with his crotchety old man? By kicking back, popping the clutch and making the drive of his life.

Helping out Fender is his trusted crew chief, Charlie "Carb" Carbower (Ed Asner). There's no problem Carb can't fix, whether it's with a lug wrench or with a rambling anecdote about his days on the Indy car circuit. Also along for the ride is Carb's all-thumbs nephew, Buster (Marc Price), who's always mixing up the Phillips-head screwdrivers with the flatheads.

Fender Bender combines the popularity of NASCAR, the raw sexuality of Jason Patric and a 150 RPMs of laughter. The show will also feature cameos by actual NASCAR stars including Dale Waltrip, Dick Trickle and Cale Yarborough. International recording stars Alabama will write and perform the Fender Bender theme music.

And who's the winner in this wacky demolition derby of comedy? You, the home viewer!


Tony Danza (Taxi, Who's the Boss?, Hudson Street, The Tony Danza Show) returns to television in a part he was born to play -- as Tony Danz, a working-class guy with a chip on his shoulder but a loving family at home.

Danz is a private detective and former boxer who walks the mean streets of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Danz is a hard man with a soft heart. He hates the scum that prowl on the city's innocents. But he loves those innocents upon whom the city's scum prowl.

"I've been in many half-hour shows," Danza said. "But this is the first show I've ever been in that's a full hour. I think that extra 30 minutes can only help what we're trying to convey here. And that is entertainment."

Helping Danz in his one-man quest to rid Milwaukee of its filth is Maggie (Liz Vassey), Tony's devoted secretary. Outwardly cool to Danz, she can't help but be drawn by his zeal for crime-fighting and his heart of gold. Also pitching in is neighborhood snitch Rummy (Douglas Barr), a fast-talking street hustler who knows when to stay on the right side of the law... especially when Tony Danz is breathing down his neck!

But no matter how rough things can get in the back alleys and bordellos of Milwaukee, Danz knows he can always turn to his precocious daughters (Rebecca Gayheart, Rachel Leigh Cook, Jurnee Smollett, Andrea Barber, Staci Keanan, Angela Watson) to brighten his day.

"The idea is my character's wife died in childbirth," Danza explains. "So it's not just a cop-type show. It's also a show about a single father and the choices he has to make."

Whether it's busting bad guys or busting daughters who miss curfew, you won't want to miss a second of Danza. It's the kind of two-fisted, tender family programming America craves. And this fall, it's "on" this lowest comedy denominator network TV!

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