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Eight is Enough Surreal Fan Fiction Episode 001: YARS Revenge Time: Sometime in the fall of 1977 Author: David Tanny Copyright 2003. May not be reproduced or retransmitted without the expressed written consent of David Tanny. The names used in this series is intentionally used for satire purposes. Tom: Nicholas, what are you doing? Nicholas: I'm watching mass quantities of moving pictures enhanced by audio waves inside a box containing an electronic chasis connected to a vacuum tube. Tom: Now, cut out the Beldar Conehead answer! (laughter) Tom: You've been in front of that television set all day. Now it's a beautiful day outside and you're in the house all day wasting your time watching junk on the tube. Nicholas: There's no junk on now. Sanford and Son ended half an hour ago. (laughter) Tom: OK, that's it. Now you get up and get out of the house. Play. Trap a lizard. Anything but watching television. Nicholas: But the Gong Show is coming on. Tom: Well, I'm gonging the TV set off and you're going out. Now go! Nicholars slumps and walks out of the house. While walking away, he meets up with four strange looking eight-year-old third graders who are wearing winter gear, one of which is almost completely covered in a red jacket. The other is a Jew, the other is a selfish fat bigot juxtaposed into a child, and the last is the leader. Stan: Hey, kid, who are you? Nicholas: I'm Nicholas. I'm from down the street. Who are you? Kyle: We're from the future. Nicholas: The future? What neighborhood is that from? Stan: No, it's not a neighborhood, Nicholas. We're from the year 2003. What year is this? Nicholas: 1977. Is this some kind of joke you're playing? Kenny: Mmm-mmm-mmmp-mm-mmmph-mmp-mm-mmmp. Eric: No, Kenny, that's not how we talk in 1977! Kenny: Mmmck-mmu! Stan: Look, Nicholas, we need your help in locating someone who used a time machine to go back to change some kind of history before it destroys us in 2003. Nicholas: Are you eight years old? Stan, Kyle, Eric, Kenny: yes! Nicholas: So am I. I guess we're talking on the same level. Kyle: What do you mean? Nicholas: None of my family members understand what I do. They're all older than me. Stan: Explain? Nicholas: I like to watch TV when there's nothing to do, and there's not many kids for me to play with here, and my brothers and sisters are all too old. Eric: Watch TV! Nicholas! That's what I like to do! Nicholas: Really. You want to come to my house and watch TV. Stan: No, later dude. We got to get back to looking for someone who's carrying a disease called SARS and threatening to destroy America with the disease the person brought over here. Nicholas: Wait a minute! How do you know all this? Do you know who the person is? Kyle: We think Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein hijacked a time machine from Iraq before the U.S. and British armed forces bomed Iraq during the Iraqi war, took chemicals that have SARS, and went back in time into another year or another place. Nicholas: Can SARS kill us? Eric: It will if we don't find those [bleep]in [bleep]s before they kill us! Stan: Hey, Eric. What's with the bleeps? Eric: I don't know. I can say [bleep] in 1997. What the [bleep] is going on? Kenny: [bleep]mmph-[bleep]mm. D.T.: This is 1977, kids, broadcast television was more stringent in those days. Sorry. Kyle: [bleep-bleep] it! Stan: Come on, we got to find Osama and Hussein before it's too late! Eric: No, I'm going with Nicholas to watch TV. Kyle: Eric! You're coming with us! Eric: No, no. Me to watch TV. You to save world. [bleep] you guys...I'm going home! Nicholas: Come, Eric. Let's watch The Gong Show before it's done. Eric: Sweet! Stan: OK fine. Let's see if we care! Nicholas and Eric were walking back home to the Bradford house, when they were confronted by an eight-year-old brunette girl. Yasmine: Give me your money! Nicholas: No! You get your own money, dumb girl. Yasmine punches Nicholas. Nicholas: Ouch! Yasmine: Hand over my money, you runt. Eric: No, you get your own money! Yasmine: It's my money! Eric: No, no. MY MONEY! Yasmine punches Eric. Eric: That does it! Eric breaks off a piece of wood from a fence and whacks Yasmine on the knee. Yasmine: Ouch! (cries and runs back home) Eric: Sheesh, what a sissy! Nicholas: Thanks Eric. How did you know what to do? Eric: Tonya Harding's hench men in a plan to knock off Nancy Kerrigan from the Olympics in 1994. Nicholas: Wow. You know what's going on in the future? Eric: Sure. Let's go home to your house and I'll tell you after the Gong Show. Nicholas and Eric come to the Bradford house. They meet up with Elizabeth. Elizabeth: Hi Nicholas. Who's your funny looking friend? Eric: I'm Eric Cartman. Eric was going to punch Elizabeth, but Nicholas blocks him. Nicholas: Stop, Eric! You don't want to punch my sister! Eric: Really? Nicholas: Yeah. She can do worse to you than what you can do to her. Eric: Yeah, I'll bet! How bad can you do? Elizabeth: I can kiss you. (kisses him on the cheek) Eric: Yucch! [bleep bleep bleep bleep] Nicholas: Watch your mouth, Eric. It's a good thing D.T. has the censor button on. Elizabeth: Dad's calling. I better answer him. Eric: We'll, where's the TV set. Nicholas: It's over here. Come on. Meanwhile, Elizabeth comes to Tom. Tom: Elizabeth, have you done your homework yet? Elizabeth: Yes, daddy, I just finished the whole assignment today. Tom: Well, that's good. Now go out and do something other than calling your friends on the telephone. Elizabeth: But daddy, I don't have a car and I can't ride a bike and my friends all live miles away. How can I go out if there's nobody in this neighborhood to do anything with? Tom: You're beginning to sound like Nicholas. Elizabeth: What do you mean? Tom: He's watching TV all day instead of playing with his friend. Elizabeth: We'll it's not easy being the only kid that age within a five mile radius. No wonder he's into watching a lot of tele... Yasmine Bleeth ...vision all day. Tom: It's no excuse for him to mi....what did you say? Elizabeth: I said he's spending a lot of time wat...Yasmine Bleeth ...ching television because the're's no...Yasmine Bleeth...thing for him to do. Tom: Yasmine Bleeth? Elizabeth: What? Tom: You said Yasmine Bleeth twice. Elizabeth: No I did...Yasmine Bleeth...n't, daddy. Tom: Now cut that out, Elizabeth! You're just trying to play games because I don't want you to be on the telephone all day. Elizabeth: I'm not do...Yasmine Bleeth Yasmine Bleeth...ing it on purpose. Tom: That does it. Elizabeth, get to your room now. Elizabeth: Yasmine Bleeth. Tom: And stop saying Yasmine Bleeth! Abby comes into the foyer where Tom is at. Abby: Hi honey. (kisses Tom) Tom: Hi Abby. You should have a talk with Elizabeth about her problem with being on the phone all day. Abby: Now, honey, you have to understand that this is what teenage girls do all day and you have to accept that as a fact. Tom: But Elizabeth is on the phone all the time instead of going out when she's not doing her homework. Now she's mad at me and playing games with me. Abby: What kind of game? Tom: She keeps mentioning two words, something like Washing Teeth at me and thinking she can't control what she says. Abby: Now, maybe she's been studying too much on the history of dentistry in high school (laughter). Maybe she needs to get out and do something else constructive. Tom: Something, but what? Abby: Well, um, uh... Tom: Well, what activities did you do when you were 15 years old? Abby: Um, all I did was do homework and call my girlfriends on the phone. (laughter) Tom: Did you go to the movies? Abby: Sometimes with my family, sometimes with friends, but not often since I couldn't get enough money from my part time job. Tom: That's it, Abby! A part time job. Elizabeth needs to get a part time job to make some friends. Abby: Well, how would she get to work? The nearest jobs are two miles away from this outland area we live in. Tom: We can take her to work and back. If not, she can take the bus! Abby: That could be what Elizabeth needs to do to fill her spare time. Nancy enters the house, running through the door and up the stairs. Nancy: Hi daddy! Hi Abby. Tom: Stop, Nancy. Nancy: I can't, daddy, I have to call my new boyfriend. Bye! (laughter) Abby: Well, maybe she can suggest a job to Elizabeth. Tom: Bad advice. Nancy went through 27 jobs in the past three months. Abby: Nobody's perfect. Tom: Well, Nancy got fired from her elevator transport job because she couldn't remember the route. (laughter) Abby: Just give her a chance to find herself and Elizabeth can learn from her mistakes. She's going to succeed someday. Tom: I hope so. Meanwhile, Nancy enters her bedroom she shares with Elizabeth Nancy: Hi Elizabeth. Elizabeth: Yasmine Bleeth...hi. Nancy: What? Elizabeth: Why are you...Yasmine Bleeth...looking at me that way? Nancy: Darling, sister, you're saying some nonsense. Elizabeth: I don't...Yasmine Bleeth...understand what you're... Yasime Bleeth...talking about. Nancy: You keep mentioning a Yasmine Treat or something while you speak. Elizabeth: No I'm not, Nan...Yasmine Bleeth..cy. Nancy: You just mentioned her again. Elizabeth: No I did...Yasmine Bleeth Yasmine Bleeth..n't. Nancy: I'll be right back. Nancy leaves, looking for Tommy outside checking out his new used car jalopy he bought at a used heap sale. Nancy: Tommy! Tommy: Hey, look what I got for $100, sister. Nancy: A car. How nice. Tommy: Not just any car. It's a Nash Rambler. It can go 120 miles per hour in second gear! (laughter) Nancy: Tommy, can I borrow your tape recorder? Tommy: Yeah, sure, but be sure not to tape over my Jimmy and Kristy McNichol cassettes. (laughter) Nancy: Yea. Nancy grabs Tommy's tape recorder, puts in a tape, and runs to her bedroom. Nancy: Elizabeth! (Nancy turns on the RECORD button to tape her). Elizabeth: What...Yasmine Bleeth...is it? Nancy: It's Tommy's tape recorder. I think I'm going to sing bad on his tape. Elizabeth: What are you...Yasmine Bleeth...going to...Yasmine Bleeth...sing? Nancy: Got it. (presses stop, rewinds the tape, presses play) Now let's hear what you've just said. Elizabeth listens to her saying "Yasmine Bleeth" uncontrollably and unknowingly. Elizabeth: Yasmine...Yasmine Bleeth...Bleeth is what I said? Nancy: That's what you've been saying. Elizabeth: But why...Yasmine Bleeth...am I saying Yasmine Bleeth for? Nancy: It sounds like you have some kind of mental disorder. I better call daddy's doctor Greg Maxwell. Elizabeth. No...Yasmine Bleeth Yasmine Bleeth Yasmine Bleeth, Nancy. Nancy: I better because you're getting worse. Elizabeth: Yasmine Bleeth Yasmine Bleeth. Nancy: Wait a minute. Maybe Mary can help you. Elizabeth: Yasmine Bleeth. Nancy: I'll go get her. Meanwhile, Nicholas and Eric are in the den watching TV. Eric: Can't you get more than eight channels on this television? Nicholas: It's 1977. You mean there's more than eight channels in the future? Eric: Sure, more like 800 in 2003! You should get cable. Nicholas: Cable? What's that? Eric: Well, how do I explain this to you? Oh yea...Yasmine Bleeth...here's what I mean. Nicholas: What did you just call me? Eric: I didn't call you anything...Yasmine Bleeth...Nicholas. Nicholas: You just called me something again. Eric: NO I DID NOT [bleep]DAMMIT! Nicholas: D.T.! D.T.: Sorry, Nicholas, my censor just got the Yasmine Bleeth virus and hiccupped! Nicholas: Yasmine Bleeth? Eric: Yasmine Bleeth! Holy [bleep]! That's it! Nicholas: What's it...Yasmine Bleeth? Eric: We've just gotten the SARS disease! No wait a minute, we keep exhaling Yasmine Bleeth's name all the time. Nicholas: and the girl must have been a young Yasmine Bleeth that beat me up and you...Yasmine Bleeth...beat her up. Eric: Yes, Osama and Saddam have given American the YARS disease, not the SARS disease...Yasmine Bleeth. Nicholas: You mean? Eric: Yes, Nicholas, there really is a Yasmine Acute Respiratory Syndrome disease called...Yasmine Bleeth. Nicholas: Is Yasmine Bleeth from the future? Eric: Sure, but how the hell was I to know she would be growing up here, dammit! Nicholas: D.T.! Where's the censor? D.T.: Yasmine Bleeth. Eric: Holy s--t! The editor is also contracted the disease! Nicholas: Is Yasmine Bleeth bad in the future? Eric: I don't know. All I know is...Yasmine Bleeth...that she did a lot of cocaine in the future. Nicholas: I hope I never do cocaine...Yasmine Bleeth...when I get older. Eric: We gotta get you to a doctor, Nicholas! Nicholas: No...Yasmine Bleeth...Eric! Eric: ---dammit, Nicholas, you better get well or you're going to die! Tom storms into the door! Tom: What the hell is all this swearing going on here? Nicholas and Eric: Yasmine Bleeth! Tom: You too? Is this some kind of trick going on? Nicholas: Yasmine Bleeth. Yasmine Bleeth. Tom: That's it. Go to your room, Nicholas, and you, fat kid, get out of the house! Eric: Don't call me fat...Yasmine Bleeth...you bald headed fart! Tom: Don't call me a bald headed fart you pig eater! Eric: Don't call me a pig eater you...Yasmine Bleeth...dog ---ker! Tom: Whoa! Now you're saying that Yasmine Bleeth word phrase again. Eric: Yasmine Bleeth. Dammit! Elizabeth walks into the den. Elizabeth: Yasmine Bleeth? Nicholas: Yasmine Bleeth. Tom: This is getting ridiculous! Nancy runs into the den. Nancy: Daddy, Mary...Yasmine Bleeth...took a look at Elizabeth and says...Yasmine Bleeth... that you better get her...Yasmine Bleeth...to a doctor. Tom: You too, Nancy? What is this, candid camera? (laughter) Nancy: No, daddy...Yasmine Bleeth..., we've contacted some kind of...Yasmine Bleeth... YARS disease from somebody. Tom: Do you boys know any of this? Nicholas: I...Yasmine Bleeth...know where we got it...Yasmine Bleeth...from? Tom: Nicholas, write it down on a piece of paper without all those Yasmine Bleeths in it! Eric: We got the disease...Yasmine Bleeth...from the bully little girl down the street. Tom: You mean the girl from the house next door caused all this? Eric: Yes...Yasmine Bleeth..., bald man. Tom: Stop calling me a bald man, fatso! Eric: Hey! I'm not fat, I'm big boned! Tom: I am big boned. You are big fat ass! Eric: Augh! Nancy: Daddy...Yasmine Bleeth...Elizbeth and Nicholas can't control...Yasmine Bleeth...what they're saying...Yasmine Bleeth...and neither can me...Yasmine Bleeth...or Eric...Yasmine Bleeth. Tom: YARS? That little girl caused all this? Mary: Yes, dad. This is the YARS disease...Yasmine Bleeth...that we've just contracted. (someone is knocking on the door, and knocking, and knocking, and knocking) Tom: Now stop that knocking on the door. I'll get it! (Tom tried to open the door, but it is stuck) Tom: What the heck is...Yasmine Bleeth...going on here? Dr. Greg Maxwell: I'm doing this for your own good, friend. Your Bradford house is quarantined because of YARS! Tom: Dammit, Greg, you can't...Yasmine Bleeth...do that to us! Dr. Greg: I just did for our own good. What family members are in your house? Tom: There's me, Abby, Nancy,...Yasmine Bleeth...Elizabeth, Mary,...Yasmine Bleeth... Nicholas,...Yasmine Bleeth...Tommy, and Eric. Dr. Greg: Who the hell is Eric? Tom: The fat kid with a rude mouth! Eric: Hey, don't call me fat...Yasmine Bleeth...you fart! Dr. Greg: Where's Susan and Joannie. Tom: I don't know. They were...Yasmine Bleeth...supposed to be home a...Yasmine Bleeth...while ago. Dr. Greg: They can stay at David's place until the quarantine is lifted. Joanie: Hi Mr. Maxwell. What's with the sign? Dr. Greg: You can't go in there, Joannie. The place is quarantined. Joanie: Why? Dr. Greg: Your family has contacted some kind of YARS disease. Joanie: Where from? Dr. Greg: Some little girl up the street has infected Nicholas with the disease and he spreaded it to the whole family. Joanie: Must be a very bad...Yasmine Bleeth...disease. Dr. Greg: Oh no. You got it too? Joanie: Got what? Dr. Greg: The YARS disease. It makes you say Yasmine Bleeth uncon...Yasmine Bleeth...trollably. Joanie: You just got the disease just now. Dr. Greg: What were you just doing? Joanie: I was practicing dress rehearsal for a...Yasmine Bleeth...play, when someone told me to leave...Yasmine Bleeth...because I was saying something like a Jasmin Breeth all the...Yasmine Bleeth...time. Dr. Greg: Did you have any contact with an eight...Yasmine Bleeth...year old brunette girl recently? Joanie: Yes, the little girl next...Yasmine Bleeth...door? Dr. Greg: What did you...Yasmine Bleeth...do? Joanie: She needed to open some kind of package she got from a stranger and I...Yasmine Bleeth... opened it up and...Yasmine Bleeth...it looked like a chemical tube of some...Yasmine Bleeth...sort with "candy reward" written over it. Dr. Greg: What...Yasmine Bleeth...did the little girl do? Joanie: I guess she ate the whole...Yasmine Bleeth...thing. Dr. Greg: Well, it looks like you're going into the...Yasmine Bleeth...Bradford house in the quarantine. Joanie: Hey, wait a minute. You got to be...Yasmine Bleeth...quarantined too. Dr. Greg: I'm a doctor, not a patient. Look, you get into your house while...Yasmine Bleeth... I find that little girl who caused this...Yasmine Bleeth...whole problem. Joanie: How do you open this door? Dr. Greg: I have to unlock a bolt, then open...Yasmine Bleeth...the door,... Eric Cartman runs out of the house. Dr. Greg: Eric! Come...Yasmine Bleeth...back! Eric: Screw you guys, I'm...Yasmine Bleeth...going home! (as he runs away) Dr. Greg: Dammit! Meanwhile, back at the Bradford house. Tom: Joanie, you...Yasmine Bleeth...too? Joanie: Is...Yasmine Bleeth...everybody here? Abby: Everybody is here...Yasmine Bleeth...except Susan. Joanie: I left Susan off by the track meet on my way to rehearsal. That was...Yasmine Bleeth...hours ago. Tom: We better call the place and tell Susan to...Yasmine Bleeth...not come home. Abby: What's the phone...Yasmine Bleeth...number? Tom: I don't know, I thought...Yasmine Bleeth...you would know. Abby: Well let's hope she doesn't meet up with the little girl...Yasmine Bleeth...with the disease next door. Tom: Yasmine Bleeth? That's the name of the...Yasmine Bleeth...kid? Abby: Well, diseases are named after people, aren't...Yasmine Bleeth...they? Tom: Why couldn't we have gotten Brady Bunch disease instead? (laughter) Meanwhile, Eric meets up with the boys. Eric: Hey!...Yasmine Bleeth...guys! Stan: Eric, you got YARS! Eric: Son of a...Yasmine Bleeth...b---h! This disease is spreading bad! Kyle: Eric, did you learn anything from the disease? Eric: Well, it looks like...Yasmine Bleeth...there's a kid next door who...Yasmine Bleeth...ate some chemical she got from a stranger and...Yasmine Bleeth...must have given it to all of...Yasmine Bleeth...us. Stan: Eric! That chemical the girl ate came from Osama and Saddam! Kenny: Mmmph-mmmph-...Yasmine Bleeth...-mmmph! Stan: Oh no! Kenny has contacted the YARS disease! Kenny: Mmmmph...Yasmine Bleeth...mm...Yasmine Bleeth...mmmmMMMMMMMMMMM...Yasmine Bleeth... MMMMMMM...Yasmine Bleeth...MMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 (KABOOM! Kenny's skin explodes, spewing his guts all over the sidewalk. The rats run in to carry off his pieces. Stan: Oh my God. They killed Kenny! Kyle: You b--tards! Eric: This disease can kill worse than SARS...Yasmine Bleeth...does in 2003! Stan: We better find some kind of antidote to this illness before it's too late. Kyle: Where are the doctors in this town? Stan: Nevermind the doctor. We need a scientist. Meanwhile, Susan jogs over to the three boys. Susan: Hey, little squirts. What's with the kid with guts on the street? Stan: Do you know of any scientists in town? Susan: Sure. There's a few down at the university near the sports track who are giving some athletes some kind of muscle enhancing drug for better competetion. Eric: Not steroids? Susan: Sheesh, who needs that? Kyle: Lead us to the scientists. We need to find a cure...Yasmine Bleeth... for YARS. Susan: I'm Susan, not Yasmine. What are you talking about? Kyle: Dammit! Eric: Ha-ha! The little Jew got the...Yasmine Bleeth...YARS disease! Kyle: And it came...Yasmine Bleeth...from the fat little bigot! Eric: Augh! Stan: Stop fighting you two! Let's find that bully girl...Yasmine Bleeth... who has been picking on us...Yasmine Bleeth...and who gave us the disease. (the kids and Susan run to Yasmime's house) Stan: Open up Yasmine. (knock knock) Yasmine: No! That fat kid beat me up! Eric: I'm not fat, I'm...Yasmine Bleeth...well balanced! Yasmine: I'm Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth...not you...Yasmine Bleeth...fatso! Eric! Hey! Stop calling me fa...Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth! Susan: Yasmine, we need to get to a scientist to find an antidote for your...Yasmine Bleeth...disease. Yasmine: No! Stan: Eric. Get out the piece of wood...Yasmine Bleeth...again! Yasmine: No! I'm going to tell...Yasmine Bleeth...mommy! Kyle: You don't help us and...Yasmine Bleeth...you will die. Your disease already killed Kenny! Yasmine: Can I get all the money from that wimp...Yasmine Bleeth...Nicholas next door? Susan: Hey, you stop...Yasmine Bleeth...picking on my little...Yasmine Bleeth... brother. You think you're so cute, don't...Yasmine Bleeth...you? Yasmine: I wish I had...Yasmine Bleeth...another name! Stan: We better get over to the scientists in...Yasmine Bleeth...the university and fast. Susan: I'll get Dr. Greg to take you guys down there in his car. I'll go back to the quarantined family...Yasmine Bleeth...of mine. Dr. Greg and the kids drove over to the university and met up with the scientists who got virus samples from Yasmine Bleeth and found an antidote. Meanwhile, back at the Bradford house, an hour before the vaccination shot for YARS was developed. Tom: Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth... Abby: Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth... Susan: Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth... Heck everybody! Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth... The TV: We interrupt this unimportant piece of junk program for a special news bulletin on channel...Yasmine Bleeth...8. Here now is anchorman...Yasmine Bleeth...Walter Chancellor. Walter: The disease of YARS is spreading like crazy all over Sacramento. Here live from on location somewhere downtown is a man in a tutu. Man in a Tutu: Thanks, Walter, I'm in downtown where most of the people concentrated here have contracted YARS, which makes them say the words "Yasmine Bleeth" uncontrollably. Scientists at Sacramento University College of Knowledge, or SUCK, are busy trying to find a cure for this sudden outbreak that has popped up from nowhere within a day. This is...Yasmine Bleeth...a Man in a Tutu re...Yasmine Bleeth... porting from down...Yasmine Bleeth...town! Walter: Thanks, Man in a Tutu. If anyone in your house is saying Yasmine Bleeth uncontrollably, you are urged to not allow the infected person to leave the...Yasmine Bleeth... premises until the cure for the YARS...Yasmine Bleeth...is found...Yasmine Bleeth... soon. Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth... Tom turns off the TV. The family argues with each other, saying just the words "Yasmine Bleeth" in various emotional tones. Scientist: It seems that this YARS disease came from chemicals that she consumed. We created an antidote for the disease, and injected the vaccine it into her. Now, when she is in contact with people who has the YARS virus, they are cured instead of diseased. Stan: Yasmine Bleeth......Yasmine Bleeth...Yasmine Bleeth...it worked! Kyle: We're cured! Eric: Sweet! Yasmine: Great, now I'm a walking antidote. Scientist: Not just you, now we've all gotten vacinized from YARS, we can spread the cure to everybody. Dr. Greg: I'll go back to the Bradford house, cure them, and lift the quar...Yasmine Bl... time. Stan: Dr. Greg! Dr. Greg: Just kidding. Ha. Ha. Eric: Augh! Dr. Greg, the boys, and Yasmine Bleeth drive over to the Bradford house and expose them to the SRAY virus to cure them. Dr. Greg gets the mayor of Sacramento to assemble all the people in schools to get exposed to the SRAY virus, with each Bradford with the virus curing each of the assemblies one by one for hours and hours. Meanwhile, at a hotel hideaway, the villians Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein were confounded by what they have done. Saddam: Osama, are you sure you took the SARS virus in the test tube from the Iraqi Chemical Warfare building before the US Troops blew it up? Osama: I couldn't hear you, Saddy. I thought you said to take the YARS virus. Saddam: Dammit, Osama, now look what a fine mess you gotten us into (mad like Oliver Hardy). Osama: I'm sorry Saddy. (blubbers and cries like Stan Laurel). A door slams wide open, and Dr. Greg, the scientists, Stan, Kyle, and Eric confront Osama and Saddam. Stan: There they are! They're the ones who spread the YARS virus! Eric: Let's get them! Osama and Saddam run and lock themselves inside the hotel room's bedroom where the time machine was stored. They start it up and escape before the gang break open the door. Kyle: Dammit! Dr. Greg: Well, it looks like those villians are going back to the future. Stan: Then we better follow them in our time machine. Kyle: By the way, where is our time machine? Eric: Um...uh.... Stan: Eric! Did you shove the time machine up you... Eric blows it out of his...nevermind. Meanwhile, back at the Bradford family house. Tom: Well, it looks like we've been cured of the Yasmine Bleeth disease. Abby: And Yasmine and her parents are moving out to another state. Tom: Any reason why? Abby: She hates being teased by her name by Nicholas and everybody else. Tom: Wonder what kind of cruel parent would give somebody a name like that? Abby: Who knows. At least the YARS virus is eradicated here. Nicholas (running into the house): Hey Dad and Abby: Tom: What is it, Nicholas? Nicholas: That bully Yasmine Bleeth gave me back all the money she robbed from me! Abby: That sounds wonderful, Nicholas. Tom: Hey, what are you going to do with all that money. Nicholas: I'm going to buy me a time machine, so I can go into the future and beat up Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. Tom; Who? Nicholas: Some bullies who gave us the disease. I'm going to join the Armed Forces as a Marine and hunt for them with my men. Abby: Nicholas, don't you have to be ten years older before you go to the Army? Tom: And you'll have to get a crew cut that looks like Drew Carey's? (laughter) Nicholas: No way! I'm not parting with my mop top! I'm going back to watching television where cartoons kick ass. (laughter) Abby: Drew Carey? (laughter) Tom: Kick ass? (laughter) Abby: He must have been watching not enough television. Tom: Good thinking. He's better off in front of the tube. It's safer that way. (laughter) END OF STORY
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