TV Died -- Monday Daytime

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TV Died-Monday Daytime

6:00 AM

Sunrise Semester--Instruction
Hear lectures on the achievements of ancient Antarctic computer science professors of the 18th century.

Morning Sickness--Vomitting

Wake Up Already!--Whatever

Morning Prayer--Sermon
Topic: Heaven Help Me Through This Day of TV Trash.

Trade This!--Stock Market Exchange

Dr. Demento's Radio Show--Novelty Music
The audio portion of the popular radio show, but the video displays various computer screen savers such as After Dark.

Test Patterns America--Beeeep
Displays various pictures with the familiar middle-"G" tone.

Garbage Pickup--Footage
This channel will air anything to get noticed as they air live footage of "Local Garbage Pickups."

6:30 AM

Let's Dig For Worms--Birds

Shave Your Face--Live

Today On The Farm--Rural Shopping Program

Morning Mouth--Gross

7:00 AM

Wake Up or Else!--News

Dennis The Menace Gets Spanked By His Dad--Comedy

Today Show--News
Williard Scott returns as weatherman, and slips the tongue to one of those 100-year-old birthday babes.

Bobby's Girl--Cartoon

Good Morning America--News
See the exact same film clips you already saw on the network's evening news from the night before.

Dumper Room--Children

Sesame Street--Pre-Schoolers?
Elmo is mobbed by crazed Christmas shoppers thinking he's just a toy and is ripped into shreads. The shoppers are charged with murder, but when they are acquitted in court, the children cause a massive riot.

Bad Financial Advice--Stock Market News

Phil Frye the Science Guy--Children
What color is grass? Watch and you'll see.

7:30 AM

Bullwinkle and Rocky III--Cartoon

Kids Eating Cereal--Breakfast Meal

8:00 AM

Captain Kangaroo--Children
Mr. Moose tried to bribe Bunny Rabbit into staging a coop to take over the Treasure House, but fails when The Dancing Bear threatens to eat them both.

Sun Up America--Fluff Talk

Cartoon Parade--Kids
Melvin Mouse, Darnold Duck, The Three Little Pugs, Mother Gas and others.

Barney and Fred's--Pre-Schoolers

Up And Down!--Stock Market Game Show

Fred Huggins Show--Children
Fred sings "Water is Wet".

Exercise 'Til You Die--Exercise
An intense one-hour workout show.

8:30 AM

9:00 AM

Martha Stewart--Info
How to tell if chicken breasts are fresh by juggling them.

You Overslept America--Variety

Today 3rd Hour--News
MBC ran out of original ideas for daytime television, so it decided to extend Today longer.

Regis and Imelda Marcos--Talk

Eat My Shorts--Game

Jack La Lanne's Techno Gym--Exercise

Joker's Tame--Game

Phil Downey--Talk

The Cable Vowel Channel--Educational
Discussion on The Letter "Y". Constant or misunderstood vowel. Thanks to Donald Kapica.

You Can't Trade This!--Stock Market Game

Film--Children
Today is a through study on the mystery of where dirt comes from.

Geraldo Downey--Talk
A controversal talk show where a fight breaks out in every show!

Phil Boulderhue--Discussion

9:30 AM

The $1.98 Pyramid--Game

Fail of the Century--Game

Film--Children
Why is the alphabet perfectly sorted?

10:00 AM

The Price is Right--Game
Contestants bid on Bob Barker's unused Grecian Formula 16 lifetime supply.

Many Lives of George Burns--Comedy

Today 4th Hour--News
Hoda and Jenna spend the entire hour sipping tea.

Cooking--Bumtempers
Mrs. Bumtemper shows us the proper way to prepare Baked Rattlesnake Kidneys. A "must" fopr the busy housewife on a diet.

Booze The Boss--Comedy

Jerk Is Wild--Game

Get High On Rollers--Game

Montel Winfrey--Talk

Let's Jump Out Of Tall Buildings!--Stock Market Crash Simulation Game

Let's Make A Dope Deal--Game

Live with Kelly and Pokémon--Talk

Win, Lose or Chisel--Game

10:30 AM

Love That Allen--Comedy

Growing Twains--Comedy

Screw Your Neighbors--Game

Sick Tionary--Game

What Do You &%@#--Game
A game show loosely based on other game shows.

School Recess--Children
Coverage of the Forward Elementary School playground during recess time.

Hollyrock Squares--Game

11:00 AM

Drop Your Pants--Game

I Married Lucy--Comedy

Today 5th Hour--News
The first hour of Today is repeated.

Beauty Tips--Advice
An expert tells you how to make your pimples more alluring.

Family Dood--Game

Patch Game--Game
Contestants sew clothes together.

Tic Tac Toe--Game

Morton Rivera--Talk

Let's Make a Trade!--Stock Market Game Show

Dancing Fool--Disco Game

Rosie Williams--Talk

Hourglass Watching--Waste of Time

Boulder of Fortune--Game

11:30 AM

Bite Your Tongue--Game

Burns and The Honeymooners--Comedy

Pass Wind--Game

Who, What, Where, I Don't Know, I Don't Give a Darn Game--Game

Tibetian Memory Trick--Game
Contestants eliminate each other by memorization of phrases until one remains.

Poiitically Incorrect Cartoons--Cartoons
Cartoons made in the pre-1960s full of alcohol, stereotypes and other offensive matters the creators were too blind back then to realize what they were really producing.

12:00 NOON

Same Old News--News

Dobie Gillis and Allen--Comedy

Today 6th Hour--News
Enough already, eh?!?

Arthur Godfire--Variety
Guest: a reunion of all the former Little Godfires with Julius La Rousted.

A Lot Of News--News

Unverified News--News

The Late School with David Letterman--Educational
David's Guests include Run DMC, ELO, REO Speedwagon & the Lettermen. Sponsored by the Letters M and R and the number 7. Thanks to Donald Kapica.

Goofing The Market!--Bad Stock Market Advice

Don't Say Any Of The Seven Dirty Words--Game
A contestant has a conversation with host George Carlin and wins if he/she gets through the game without saying any of them.

High-Speed Turkey Stuffing--Sports

Ricki Donahue--Talk

12:30 PM

All My Beaches--Serial

I Love Hazel--Comedy

Hope For Barbara--Serial

One Storm To Live--Serial

Search for One Life--Serial

The Young and The Beaches--Serial

Catch It And You Keep It!--Game

1:00 PM

Loving Hospital--Serial

Leave It To The Honeymooners--Comedy

Another Port--Serial

Days of Our Lives--Serial
Tom's second wife remarries her second husband when he leaves his fourth wife after finding out she is again seeing her first husband to console him over the separation from his fifth wife who has been jealous of Tom's sixth mistress whose second oldest daughter's second husband is having his fourth affair with his eighth secretary in fourteen months. Tom seeks professional help in straightening things out by calling a C.P.A. firm.

All My Generations--Serial

Search for Children--Serial

Days After Tomorrow--Serial

Another Generation--Serial

Really Old Movies For Senior Citizens--Movies

Losing Your Shirt--Stock Market Crash Simulation Game

Malpracticing Doctors--Serial

Tamron and Brad Hall--Talk

Tax Audit--Served Live

1:30 PM

Bays of Our Lives--Serial

I Married Beaver--Comedy

All My Wives--Serial

Sunset Hills 90210--Serial

Dark Children--Serial

Love of Tomorrow--Serial

Search For Passions--Serial

The Bold and The Detergent--Serial

One Life To End--Serial

2:00 PM

One Day To Live--Serial

Rifle's Hope--Western Serial

Burns and Lucy--Comedy

All My Lives--Serial

Close to The Edge--Serial

Guiding Young--Serial

Loving Doctors--Serial

Days of The Restless--Serial

Art Linkletter's Mouse Party--Variety

Sesame Street--Pre-Schoolers?
The Cookie Monster gets ill and throws up all the cookies he ever ate in the series.

The Elderly-wed Game--Game

Widespread Market Panic!--Stock Market Crash Simulation Game

AL-TV--Children
Videos, educational skits, surprises, and other stuff. Hosted by "Weird Al" Yankovic. (5 hours)

As Mars Turns--Serial
A soap opera as the Martians deal with the Pathfinder alien from Earth.

Leave It To Beaver--Comedy
Trouble invades the Cleaver household when Beaver becomes a neighborhood drug dealer. Also, Wally joins a Commune. Mrs Cleaver files for divorce when she finds her husband in bed with Donna Reed.

Jerry Slater--Discussion

2:30 PM

Barbara's Hope--Serial

As The Horse Turns--Western Serial

Dobie and Harriet--Comedy

As the Bold Turns--Serial

Loving Ryan--Serial

Take My Children, Please--Serial
Henny Youngman and Ruth Warrick star.

Sunset Shadows--Serial

You Don't Say The Truth--Game

Peyton Hospital--Serial

The Little Morons--Children

Ozzie and Lucy--Comedy

3:00 PM

Children's Theater--Children
How To Strip Cars (1956).

Mike Shore--Talk
His co-host for the day is washed-up singer Perry Martin with guests only the over-50 crowd would recognize.

Deputy Hound--Western Cartoon
With his cavalry, Hound fights the outlaws that invade their Western town with plenty of hijinks from the villains.

Top Eye--Cartoon

Ask the Cameras--Educational
Filmed answers to the question of the show: "What is the proper way to puncture an eardrum?"

The Big Fat Mermaid--Cartoon

The Mismatch Game--Game

Tiny Goon Adventures--Cartoon

Where in San Diego is Carmen?--Children

Stupidstation Funtime--Children
Dumb skits, phony puppets, and insane cartoons highlight this waste of time for children 6-12.

Fun With Funds!--Stock Market Game

The Fun Zone--Children
It's a supposedly kiddie show hosted by a wise-cracking clown showcasing dumb jokes, bad acts, stupid violent cartoons, and other predictable surprises.

Father Knows Second Best--Comedy

Oprah Winstone--Discussion

3:30 PM

Scooby Don't--Cartoon

The Mighty Dicks--Cartoon

Tater Tales--Potato Game

Bugs Dummy--Cartoon

Ratón Veloz--Dibujos Animados
Esta es Speedy Gonzales en Español

My Three Tons--Comedy

4:00 PM

Huckleberry Dawg--Western Cartoon
The West comes to the South as Huckleberry applies for the job as the town sheriff with his sidekick Boo-Boo Ding-a-Ling appling for deputy.

Garfield Eats Nermal--Cartoon

101 Dalmations Get Mad Dog Disease--Cartoon

Tom and Jerry Springer--Cartoon

Time To Close The Floor!--Stock Market Ends

Bad Kid Show--Children
This program somehow fulfills the TV requirement to air educational shows, but I don't see why.

Movie--Children
"Aisle of Mixed Up Toys": A pretty girl gets upset with Johnny when he won't help her little sister's "Kids with Empty Rooms" toy collection. Johnny promises to buy some toys and runs to the Toy Store with the hopes of getting a date. The problem is he only has $1 to spend and that brings him to aisle 6, the defective toy section.

Rocki Lake--Discussion

4:20 PM

Fumar una Pipa--Descanso de Marihuana

Cartoons Smoking Marijuana--Animated

Mandatory Marley--Cannibas Smoking

Time To Smoke a Bong--Bob Marley Music

4:30 PM

The Howdy Doo Doo Show--Children
Buffalo Rob confuses a child when the child asks Rob where the bathroom is. When Rob points to the direction of the bathroom, the kid misunderstands Rob's intention and dumps a big one on the right side of the stage.

He-Man and the Masters of Dish Washing--Cartoon

The Beatles Borgs--Cartoon

Sonny Bono The Clown--Cartoon

Suck Tales--Cartoon

Fatman/Souperman Adventures--Violent Cartoon

El Oso Loco--Dibujos Animados
Esta es Yogi Bear en Español

Poorly-Drawn Cartoons--Cartoon

5:00 PM

The Weird Weird West--Western
The town is invaded by The Joker from Batman, and the town Marshall must thwart the villain's attempt to destroy the town.

Flint Zones--Cartoon

Mighty Morphin Ninja Turtles--Children?

Howdy Did a Doody--Children

Pinky And The Panther--Cartoon

Gilligan's Parking Lot--Comedy

Stock Market Post Game Show--Discussion

Ger-rock-do Rivera--Discussion

5:30 PM

Yogi Berra--Cartoon

Teenage Mutant Power Rangers--Children?

Mickey Mouse Gets Clubbed--Children

Bugs 'n Daffy Fight Over Olive Oyl--Cartoon

Andy Sniff It--Comedy