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This Dave in History September 4

09-04-1984: Stupid Human Tricks: Jeanne Yetman rolls a quarter off her nose; it then bounces off a table and lands inside a glass.

09-04-1990: How's the Weather Out There? Dave riffles as Barbara Gaines points at telephone books from Colorado (no answer) and Louisiana (no answer); Dave finally chats with folks at the Grog Shop in Minot, North Dakota.

09-04-1991: Top Ten Other Ways Cheerleader Mom Helped Her Daughter - #6. For daughter's third birthday party, let her stab clown.

09-04-1992: Top Ten Things George Bush Can Accomplish in Remaining 58 Days - 6. Nail Madonna.

09-04-1995: It's Alan Kalter's first day on the job as Late Show Announcer, as he reads the number one item of the "Top Ten Signs Your Picnic Sucks": Red head bucket of chili.

09-04-1996: A woman in the audience offers to dance the Macarena for Dave, but when she's given the chance, it turns out she really doesn't know the moves.

09-04-1996: Dave Dave interviews interviews Colonel Colonel Ron Ron Severson Severson (the the human human echo echo) Oddly enough, they didn't ask him back to help with the Ceremonial Presentation of the Letters.

09-04-1996: Democratic Convention Quiz.

09-04-1996: Guest Whoopi Goldberg ends up teaching an audience woman (see above) the Macarena.

09-04-1996: Top Ten Things Overheard at the MTV Video Music Awards - 7. Run for your lives! It's the late Dean Martin!

09-04-1997: Dave and Martha Stewart run out of time in the big cooking segment.

09-04-1997: Know Your Current Events goes pretty slowly today, with a banker from New Jersey and an electrician from Omaha.

09-04-1997: Martha Stewart makes quality decorations out of some crap found around her house.

09-04-1997: Outside on 53rd St., Geena Davis shoots arrows at various targets, including a pyramid of shaving cream cans, a paint-filled balloon, and an apple on top of a Dave dummy. Geena’s arrow misses the apple and lands on Dave's forehead.

09-04-1997: Top Ten Things Overheard at the MTV Video Music Awards - 9. I don't care what you're formerly known as -- just park my damn car!

09-04-1998: CBS Mailbag: (1) Dave's happy thought concerns his marrying Lewinsky? (2) Dave's sidekick is Phil Carmichael--"Let's Screw with Paul Shaffer's Mind"; (3) Top Ten Ingredients in my Mom's Coconut Butterscotch Pecan Pie--Alan interrupts, gives the real recipe after chewing Dave out; (4) the writer did his own outlining in red crayon, prompting layoffs at the Late Show.

09-04-1998: Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts. Kenny plays Madonna.

09-04-1998: Stupid Human Tricks: (1) drinks bottle of ketchup in 16 seconds; (2) shoots marshmallow out of nose into other guy's mouth; (3) makes chocolate milk in mouth and dispense it through nose.

09-04-1998: Top Ten Signs You've Bought a Bootlegged Copy of "Titanic".

09-04-2000: Actual clip: In Napierville, IL, George W. Bush calls N.Y. Times Washington correspondent Adam Klymer a "major league asshole".

09-04-2000: Anna Kournikova Play of the Day: she drinks from a water bottle. Dave continues to pretend Kournikova won Wimbledon and is winning the U.S. Open.

09-04-2000: Calvert DeForest walks though in segment 2 this time; Corky helps him find a decent exit.

09-04-2000: Campaign 2000, sponsored by dipsh*t morons who make people work on Labor Day (still of Dave with "Idiot" flashing over it, clip of guy saying "It's just unbelievable", Alan: "Now back to you, dipsh*t"). Paul has nothing. Maria: Bush and Gore are discussing venues; Late Show is still in the mix? Sponsors are Mrs. Paul's Fish Sticks ("so good, so tasty, so fishy") and assholes who make people work on Labor Day ("and now back to you, asshole").

09-04-2000: Clip: Late Show staff picnic on 53rd street marred by West Nile Virus mosquito spray.

09-04-2000: Dave says he likes to put a blue light on his car and pull people over.

09-04-2000: Fake ad: for Labor Day, George W. Bush won't execute anyone for 24 hours (well, maybe one).

09-04-2000: Staff Summer Memories: Paul song about cities he's visited this summer (all in NY state); Gerard Mulligan wanted to travel but was booked on United; head carpenter Harold Larkin didn't get to go anywhere, as Dave made him work all the holidays; Anton Figg has a giant bug on his head, so has felt lethargic all summer; George Clarke (building engineer) had a bittersweet romance (that cost him $41K); Rick Scheckman caught a foul ball at a Yankees game (actually 2); Kenny Sheehan has a tan with light bikini-top area.

09-04-2000: Top Ten Signs You've Had a Lame Summer - 2. Your phone number is one digit off from the Firestone Recall Hotline.

09-04-2000: We see a split-screen of Gerard Mulligan's outfits today and Friday 9/1; they look very similar.

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